Heals The Original Dryness: 07/01/2001 - 08/01/2001
Heals The Original Dryness
i am no longer a faerie
it was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was the amazement at seeing her own "I." -the unbearable lightness of being
7.30.2001
well there goes my theory that on a scale of one to ten, one being straight, that i'm a 3. according to the spark i'm about 65% gay (68% as a straight, 62% as a gay). i guess it doesn't help that i wear berkenstocks and don't shave. and you know, i've kisses my share of girls. only made out with one tho. i guess thats more than most straight girls.
NeeliaBuzz: back
CornTOWM: welcome back
NeeliaBuzz: armed with raberry sorbet
CornTOWM: ooh la la
NeeliaBuzz: yup
NeeliaBuzz: and theres cake in the kitchen if you know what i mean...
NeeliaBuzz: eh? eh? eh?
NeeliaBuzz: *nudge nudge wink wink*
CornTOWM: oh, i... don't... i'm sorry.
CornTOWM: *hangs head*
NeeliaBuzz: well... there's CAKE in the KITCHEN
NeeliaBuzz: you WANT SOME?
CornTOWM: no i don't aileen *wink wink* but i'd certainly like to have sex with you
theres no one to talk to online... i could go to bed now, which would make sense seeing how i was up until about 4 last night and got up at 10:30, but no, that would be too easy...
i have some pink floyd guitar solo stuck in my head, which is odd b/c i was just listening to dave mathews band. i think i might be the only person in the world who walks out of a musical singing another. *sigh* i'm weird
the matinee went pretty well today. and this is based on the social backstageness being active and fun, seeing how i'm in about 3 scenes. eventfulness: anita's dress's zipper broke, twice, and i figured out how to fix it after two people failed, and felt all cool and stuff. one of the couples in the ballet in "somewhere" could not stop laughing on stage and so they were talking about it downstairs. it was very much a they started laughing, and holding it back was so hard that that made them laugh harder. it was so bad. later anita forgot which boy she had to go to next in the taunting scene. anyway, but downstairs this guy jason before intermission was interested in how i made the rings and stuff for chain mail so i got a little assistant for a bit. i'm so incredably anal tho, i didn't realize it until some one else did my work slightly differently, little things like cutting the rings right near the edge of the last one, i take these things for granted. anyway, it was fun tho. i'm like the handy man person in my cast, it's fun, it makes me feel smart. dave came and saw the show. and tho i didn't see marshal there, robert moyer came and that was all happy and stuff. he hugs me for such a long time, its weird. nice tho, it makes me feel loved. yeah, it was a day of feeling loved. happy happy happy. but i couldn't hang out with dave for long except to get food cause mom needed me to help with plumbing
yes mom, i'd LOVE to help you change the selant wax on your toilet, rather than hang out with dave whom i haven't seen in a week. nooooo problem...
eh, it wasn't that bad. at least now i know how to change the wax ring thing... yeah... *goes and makes chain mail and falls asleep*
OH! and teneil (anita) flashed everyone when i fixed her zipper. she just started changing there in the the green room, and she forgot she had no bra on underneath her shirt. it was really amusing.
ha ha. i cost more than jonathan does. but neil is more than me... however that works... its odd, having a history made me more expensive than without it (i cheated and took it twice) i guess it's a rarity thing. so, if there were more smart people in the world, than stupid people would be more expensive?
i was listening to les miz while making chain maille this morning. it's really quite bland. or maybe forbidden broadway and too much bernstein has ruined me for standard popular broadway.
jonathan and i saw jc superstar tonight, twas good
CornTOWM: you know, that show had cute guys wearing no shirts
NeeliaBuzz: mmm hmmm
CornTOWM: well, jesus technically had a shirt on, but it was a revealing one.
CornTOWM: mmm... but peter... now that was...
NeeliaBuzz: wasn't it great'
CornTOWM: god, i need a man
CornTOWM: *sighs*
NeeliaBuzz: he was DAMN hot
CornTOWM: there's such a hunk lackage around here right now
CornTOWM: *sighs*
NeeliaBuzz: can't be true if you're there
CornTOWM: *smile* thank you
NeeliaBuzz: in fact, i think there would be a hunk OVERLOAD if you were in the room
CornTOWM: *blush*
hmph, now i'm depressed. i was very left out of the social situation last night cause i was in a show that no one i knew except my sister and my mom came and saw. you guys (paz, ingrid, jonathan, jeeyon, and whoever else was there having fun without me) BETTER come see west side story, or else.... well i'm gonna be really pissed... not to mention depressed and feeling like no one loves me... *sigh*
back when i was 5 or 6, nora would take piano lessons on thurday afternoons. dad and i would then go to the bagel shop, i forget the name, and spend time there while nora was at her lesson. they had a poster for jerome robbins broadway, which we saw later with my grandmother, and my little treat was the chocholate milk. that was THE TREAT, it was awesome. having a bagel and chocolate milk and staring at a broadway poster with lots of pictures on it was my thursday afternoon.
ah, for the days when chocolate milk was the thing...
current mood: remenicent
music stuck in my head at the moment: peter's denial (in a tempo way too slow), jc superstar
wow. i try to print an amusing IM conversation i had with kelli (*grins and feels special, even tho it was just because no one else was really online*) and crash the computer. i guess i won't try to do that...
saw jc superstar tonight, and my friend marshal that i took to prom last year was there. it was really fun and exciting. home made chain maile is such a turn on... er, conversation starter these days, it's wonderful. anyway, his friends were really cool, and i was just in a wonderful mood and perfect for their sense of humor it was wonderful. and you know what, it's all about west side story. the ending sequence and stuff is EXCACTLY the same! EXCACTLY! yeah... do not question the hyper girl.
"nooooooow we have him, now we've got him, nooooow we have him, now we've got him..."
current mood: sexy as hell
this is the sound of a drained and tired aileen. (drained and tired, a bit redundant eh? i'm turning into a canadian...)
i had an eye therapy appointment this morning (actually 2:00 in the afternoon, but yeah, it's morning) which i didn't go to cause i woke up at about a quarter to two, and then did not get up because i had a headache and just over all not good feeling, seeing how i had been talking to jonathan until about 4 in the morning, which was nice. it just reminded me how much we need to live together, cause falling asleep alone is lonely, which is bad... i was supposed to go to his party, cause he invited me, but his dad vetoed that, because he's not feeling he's got enough control... see need to live together...
anyway, i need more wire. i'm starting to pick at my scalp and eyebrows once again cause my hands aren't occupied. plus i want to finish making my backless shirt. it's going to be very exciting.
"i've this sneaking suspision that things here are not as they seem. oh reassure me, that if i leave now i might get away..."
i haven't listened to dave mathews for a while. a few nights ago while i was working on chain maille (when i still had WIRE, ARG!!) i put on "listener supported". i like the guy's music. sure you can't tell one song from another, but i like them!
"the day is gone, i'm on my back, staring up at the clear sky. i'm reachin' searchin' never stop. smoke my mind, makes me feel better for a small time. what i want it what i've not got, when what i need is all around me...." (i don't know the words very well...)
oh yeah, come and see me in west side story i'm in the gold romeo and juliet casts. i perform in the friday shows and the sunday mattinees. and if you do come try to sit in the center or left part of the audience so you can see me :)
i have decided that my answering machine is quite stupid and useless other than picking up the phone when i'm not here. it does not tell me when the phone calls were, it does not allow me to delete messages, it does not allow me to SKIP messages, i think it's only feature is it's light blinks for how many messages there are. woop-dee-friken-do. and it's got like a 5 minute tape or somthing. it's stupid. but, it's better than nothing.
run lola run is a really cool movie. i loved the whole red-green color scheme, i didn't really notice it until a little ways into the movie, but yeah, really cool. dave said it well, it's an hour and a half music video.
and i very much relate to/wish i were/feel i am franka potenta in the actual music video, standing in the middle of the street with a mike and techno music screaming "I BELIEVE!!!" camera circling, arms open, screaming at the sky.
something else very happy about my birthday party at paz's. when we were walking to pizza chicago, ingrid, paz, and katy were walking in front, and bryy, dave, and myself were walking in back, and i looked at the three of us in back and said, everyone in this row is 18, thats really cool. it made me happy. it was kind of the little moment where you realize: hey, i'm older now.
current thought (posted in an enigmatic "paz" sort of way...): is it just sex? and is that a bad thing? i can't tell...
*sigh* seeing how i really can't type, i'd like to remind all my readers that this is the page where spelling doesn't matter. and neither does grammer. it's not a thing of being stupid. in fact, i now have a pin that proves i am dangerously over educated. it says so, so it's true. :P
so, paz threw me a party. she, katy, bryy, ingrid, and dave were there. we went to pizza chicago, yummy food, good conversation, general happiness, etc. we weren't sure whether to watch life of brian, random comedy, or fight club, which is just cool, so we flipped a coin. heads: fight club, tails: life of brian (paz was trying to get me to do the same thing for whether i should sleep at her house or dave's. i refused to answer which side would be which.) landed on tails, i turned it over, "yay! fight club it is!" so we stopped at blockbuster and got fight club. got to paz's, worked on chain maille for a bit, then opened presents. paz gave me this bead choker, dave gave me the Pink Floyd
Animal's CD, and ingrid got me GUMMI'S!!!!! it was very happy. chocolate brownie cake sorta thing with sparkly candles a few of which re-lit themselves, which was frustrating, but katy helped me eventually blow them all out. fight club is a good movie. paz's dad tried to kick people out around midnight when we had excactly 17minutes left of the movie, but after a bit of groveling he let us finish it. said goodnight to people, went to daves... yeah... fell asleep. woke up... yeah... apparently i'm good... finished watching run lola run. more "yeah..." and sleep. then went to jack in the box and back to paz's to reclaim my sheet or chainmail, (don't worry pazzie, i'll make you a braclet or something) and came home. so yeah, happy birthday :) it made up for the rather pathetic happy birthday song at west side story rehersal where half the people didn't know my name. yeah. but i don't have too much affliation with that cast. i have my friends in it, and they wished me happy birthday. very much proof for me that it's the thought that counts.
i love my sister. this is the email she sent to me for my birthday this year. last year i got one advising me on the possibilitys of now being able to venture into rated-R and nc-17 movies by myself. i wish i had saved it. but for your amusement, here are my sister's words:
So what knowledge can I dispense upon my younger sister on this day celebrating the 18th anniversary of her birth...
1. If you get drafted head for Canada, we have family there that will protect you.
2. Lottery tickets are a sham, don't be fooled by the propoganda, look at the statistics. If you must, do scratchers. They are at least satisfying to scrape at with the edge of a quarter (quarters are best because of the ridged edge). They do have the occasional prize to be won, usually not even worth your turning in the ticket but you can at least know you won something in your life. You also can begin your collection of scratcher dust. Keep it in an envelope under your pillow to bring yourself good karma. The more you have, the messier, the better.
3. Oh yeah you can vote. No big whop there. Sure you feel important being a voice in how your government is run but let's face it. We are pathetic little creatures outnumbered in our plane of existance by morons who use their right to vote to put idiots like our friend trigger-happy GW in charge of our nuclear weapons. If he succeeds him term as the leader of the "free" world without destroying the earth, I'll be impressed. but do excercise your right to vote, even though it may seem inconsequential. Women died to get the right, we shouldn't abuse their memory by standing idly by because we feel it doesn't make a difference.
4. you can now purchase tobacco products, whoopie diddy doo doo.
5. Clubs. Sorry to burst your bubble but they don't even get good till your twenty-one. I'll update you on that in three years.
6. And finally and far most importantly PORN!!!! I mean that's what you've been waiting for nigh on these many years. You can venture into the coveted "18 and over" sections of our favorite video stores (not Blockbuster, they're very family) peruse the magazines hidden behind boards at the Frys, Towers, and Borders stores. Look at the those websites people are all in a huff over their children being exposed to. You yourself can be legally employed by this lucrative industry which, by the way, is the only genre of movie to fully take advantage of the full range of possiblity offered by DVDs. Multiple angles, very cool.
That's about all I can think of at this time. Happy Birthday baby, don't go too crazy with your new found freedom. The ride around the sun in the coming year holds numerous possibilities, don't abuse them too much.
*all divine like* i have found my new religion... from now until the coming of the messiah, i shall check this site every single day *walks calmly into the distance*
i wish there were some way i could transfer my bookmarks from one internet thing to another. it's quite annoying having to go and redo them each time. :P
my dad and i went to max's for dinner after his orchestra rehersal for jc superstar. it was ok. the director was a little crazy, he would stop the show to yell at actors for missed enterances and stuff. maybe i'm just getting used to kevin the ANGEL of a director. he's so wonderful. our costume person is crazy tho. she's mean. i want goddess elaine!
and this entry really shouldn't be under the 21st. it's still friday in my mind.
i turn 18 tomorrow. if you feel like getting me presents, here's my amazon.com wishlist. i hope the link works. and just cause certain things happen to have been added more recently doesn't mean i don't want the stuff at the bottom. they work hard too dammit! give the poor guys a chance!
*readers: coughcoughshamelesscoughcough*
and whats strange is my boy is off with his ex girlfriend in the middle of no where with no electricity or something like that on the weekend of my birthday. it sounds so wrong! *laughs uncontrolably* ah, but paz is throwing me a party, and dave is still here, so it's all good. yay!
woo hoo!!! i successfully downloaded AIM onto dad's computer, and it reloaded my buddy list and everything!!! i KISS the dsl on this computer! *MMMWWAA*
it was actually pretty easy too. i guess it helped that i got called by a person and she was able to tel me what classes were still available so registering was fairly quick.
last night while jonathan and i were on the phone, i forget how it came up, but he was just saying how he was so eeyore. and i'm piglet. we jsut decided this seeing how we had the respective stuffed animals. going on the theme of casting ourselves and our friends as winnie the pooh characters, we figured out that bryy is definitly rabbit, and neil is tigger, ingrid is roo, and if ingrid is roo then pazzie is kanga. pazzie was in the running for tigger as well, but we needed a kanga, and neil didn't seem right as owl, so going with the "neil is an incoragable optimist" idea, neil is tigger. dave is pooh, which i know he won't like cause he hates the name, but he's SUCH the teddy bear. and after much deliberation, we realized that paz's dad is owl. it works really well, we all go visit him, and he occasionally drops in, but owl is really the older character and they go have tea at his house. i know it's not perfect with all the relationships, but we were thinking more characters. and you know what, it was 2 in the morning, it doesn't have to make full sense
well, apparently i somewhat frighten jordan, which is interesting, because we're quite on the same level of weirdness. but i kinda hit on him more, cause he's such a cutie!
i got to see jonathan today. we met at westgate, thinking we'd say hi to erin, but she wasn't working that day :( so we went to orange julius *yum*, party america, where those glowsticks you play with in your mouth are sold in condom like packages, to look at random stuff, then hung out outside for a bit, went to eat more food at sushi boat, realized it was 6:05 and i needed to be at rehersal, dad came and drove me over, and it turned out that all i missed was some clean up work on sections i wasn't in. ah the joys of having a bit part.
sheesh, everyone around me is having realizations or changes in there lives that piss off other people. i'm just kinda sitting at the side watching, finding it very interesting. but i guess i'm not ready to drop my shell quite yet, for fear that my contented outlook will disappear. maybe i'm in semi shell shock (see monday) and going into recluse until things are ok. but i'm not consciously doing that. consciously i'm just out of it, probably because i'm tired, and cause making chain maille is such an addictivly mind numbing activity :) but i ran out of wire, i need to get more *sigh*
i must be getting good. i can make chain maille but the light of the computer.
my mom is about ready to kill our cat toby because he keeps meowing at night.
and i think that i'm developing a sort of addiction to makeing chain maille because i have a slight manual fixation. they always have to be ding something, which is why i gesture so much. i would be prime candidate for smoking if i had any desire to inhale ash. *sigh* my back hurts...
bad morning, you can read about it on jonathan's site. i don't like dewlling on it, i have sensory memory and this was probably the closest i've ever gotten to traumatized. i get sick feeling. anyway i shall write about the better half of my day. i wandered feeblly to daves and cried and called my mom and tryed to figure out what to do, which my mom was quite good and rational about. i fuckred up and i need to apologicze not justify, it
's not gonna be righted because i had good intentions. *sigh* talked with dave and got in a better mood. we were both feeling rather silly, it was great, and then we went to luch. teriyaki chicken is yuuuuummy. we then went to the bead shop cause it was across the street and he wanted to get more matterial of his necklace thing, and i wanted to figure out what gauge whire my chain mail belt was, but they didn't have the same metal, and what they had was real silver and expensive stuff... so we went to the hardware store and i got 50 feet of alluminum wire for about 3 bucks. i've been making my own rings and stuff from that. this is how aileen distracts her mind: listens to tispy and makes chain maille from scratch. yeah. came online when my eyes got too tired, i'm starting the muscle therapy stuff tomorrow, we'll see how that works. neil is back from camp. i need to see him before he disappears once again.
ah.. eventful few days.. saw "the princess and the warrior", DAMN cool movie. most amazingly thing i've seen in a WHILE. yeah... and then i had an empty house sans older sister who was there for a bit, that i just had to take advantage of, it was too good to pass up. so yeah... and now i'm at paz's after seeing memento for a second time and noticing ALL this cool shit i missed the first time, VERY trippy. but very frustrating how jonathan is so much smarter with movies than i am. the little plot points that the typical viewer, aka. me, just passes by but realizes later when thinking about it real hard, he notices them first viewing. i'm so amazed and just facinated. jonathan, you should be a film critic! you have the composer and articulation, and you have great taste and a good eye. you can totally pan all the peice of shit hollywood things and then it will slowly die! woo hoo!
on a side note, i just noticed that a cow's ears are very interestingly placed
anyway, my mom totally guilt tripped me now about my unprepared sponteneity, however you spell it, and now since im not completely sure WHEN neil is comeing home... tis bad... i'm kinda feeling like theres enough people to see and things to do that i shouldn't be bored or lost for tomorrow, but still... i feel bad... *sigh* but tonight was really fun. uch, except for my wonderful blunder when trying to get jonathan to forgive me for being stupid... but instead i was even more stupid. it was totally a scene from some corney teen road trip movie or something, i dunno, it would be more amusing if jonathan weren't so upset... *sigh* yeah...
it must mean something when you read his website and can't help feeling pangs of saddness. it's my fucking 7 month trend. things change. i guess it's gonna be a while till i find someone i want to have a child with. 9 months. *hangs head* just want you to hold me tonight... just want you to say it's alright... just want you to take the first step... cause tonight i'm finding it hard to be your girl...
amazing. first time i've quoted savage garden on this page. kinda works, except that i'll probably take the first step, i'm just like that. *sigh* i love him, i do... but... *sigh* i don't know...
quick blog-ness, b/c this was an active day, but quick b/c i'm tired and i've been feeling light headed... ironic, when one is light headed yet one's head feels heavy as it is resting in one's hand. heh
anyway, woke up a bit later than i shoudl have b/c my dream was way too interesting to leave when my alarm went off so i just turned it off and woke up 2 hours later. AND it was really weird the people in my neighbor;s back yard who are like fixing or painting their roof or something, one of them was talking about the movie sexy beast, and bryy had told me he went to see sexy beast the day before. it felt QUITE sureal.
so anyway, i get up to find no one home other than myself and josie, so that means i have to get to a bus or shuttle stop to get to the train station. so i drink a glass of chocolate milk, take a quick shower, throw my stuff together (including my make up kit because i have no eyebrows, and was too stupid to just pick up the eyebrow pencil...) and walk briskly out the door and through the san jose state campus, all this time feeling lightheaded and a bit dizzy, but i some how managed to keep myself upright and plow through. when i got to the shuttle stop i felt like i could faint, but i chugged half of my water and sat in the shade and felt better.
get to palo alto. bryy and i go to pizza for food. talk about people, and i randomly burst into song as i usually do. go over to his house, i forget specificly why, it had to do with waiting to film teen theory with people that never called and having me register for classes, which i didn't do, but i got a lot of the instructional reading done, so when i get around to it i'll be more informed. more random singing. it's actually "auto-de-te" from candide by bernstein, not "the spanish inquisition song". that's completely different. anyway, then due to the absence of one of the filming members, we got paz to film as well. it was fun. i stole her pants, case she was going to wear mine for filming so i borrowed a pair of her jeans, and she let me keep them. i was realizing later, they very much have an "essence of paz" feel to them. ("essence of paz", soon to be a perfume in a series including "happiness of Aileen", and "wrath of God". don't ask, we're weird people)
anyway, the becca showed up and we filmed a bit with her, then went back to bryy's house and were being very silly people while bryy worked away at putting together semester two of teen theory. his little brother thought we were VERY weird, it was highly amusing, we were having way too much fun like that. later when i started going off about the history of my social life, because there was lots of footage of neil, and i miss the boy, so i couldn't help but be effected a bit, she suggests we go into another room, so i pull myself along with my elbows in a sort of dead leg army crawl, it was way too much fun. but then when we got past bryy's room, his borther decides to abandon it, and the hallway was way too narrow to turn around in, in my possition, so i had to get up and actually crawl.
when i get in a mode where i'm explaining or talking about myself, i really have to see it through. at random times we'd go off topic but i'd really pull it back to my topic. it was really interesting for me to notice that. usually when i get into my rants or things about my life, i'm on the phone or something, and i just talk until i'm done. but at bryy's there were several other things happening so i'd get interupted, but me still in "i'm talking about myself, let me do so" mode. it probably could have been bad, but i think she was enjoying my story.
much danceing, cheerleading, popcorn, giggling silliness, and stuff later, we get to a train station, and they wait until mine come's. the northbound one came before the other, and becca thought it was mine so she gives me a big "good bye!" hug, but... it wasn't my train... but to keep things even i give bryy a hug too. big hug. becca's at the side exclaiming "he's touching her breasts!" "shut up!! they're just huge around my period!", then had a "hey, what would jonathan think" moment. i could just see him sitting somewhere and then just turning and saying "whoa, did you feel that? a disturbance in the force..." or something. we were being way too silly ;) fun-ness...
this is what you get when you hang out with me at 11 pm with caffine in my system...
current mood: *delighted*
current music: on the town- bernstein
(ah, my little tribute to live journal features)
ok, so my dad has been putting all of our various home videos onto the computersso he can splice it together in kinda cronological order, and apparently, we've always been the all-singing, all-dancing, creators of music that we still are (or at least i am). this is what we get from being raised by a musical parents. we always had music playing, or interments to play, or tutus to dance it. we we're just delightful little creators. my dad teaches kindergarden. his kids don't do that as much, either with lack of motivation or too much fear. we just had a wonderful environment to grow up in. i'm such a lucky bitch!
i'm very much taking my life as if it were all in my head, and hence, seeing how it's summer and i've been having QUITE a taste for happiness and love and everything, i'm chosing to focus more on what is wonderful right now. also i'm trying to take whats not good and change it. this is called optimisim
hi, my name is aileen, and i'm living in oblivion...
*sigh* yet at the same time there a small hint of sluttishness to me right now. i'm only kinda thinking that because when i'm going off haveing flirtish fun with everyone i know, i'm really NOT thinking about it. when i step back and compare myself to myself 5 months ago, it's really interesting and i don't know what to make of it. what am i doing? *sighs, hangs head, runs fingers through hair*
"there is no pain; you are receiding... a distant ship, smoke on the horizon... you are only coming through in waves... you're lips move, but i can't hear what you're saying..." (i put this down first and kinda tried to shape my thoughts so this would work at the end. comfertably numb has been in my head this evening... hm, i wonder why?)
i sing a song to the breeze, letting it know my feelings
i free myself in it's air, feeling it know my spirit
standing in the wind, i let my self carry off
--each of my frizzies dances in its freedom.
you feel it's warmth touch your chill
and it's breeze lift your soul
this is what it feels like when you're flying
well, the highly uninteresting formalitlies of my life today, went shopping with my sisters and got REALLY COOL cheap clothing to ensemble another concert outfit, and a renesaince fairy costume *jumps about in delight* now i just need some nice old fashioned fairy wings and a crown of some kind. :) this is going to be a REALLY fun event if i do get to go.
*sigh* ranting is good for me. often it inspires pity in the listener and then they come up with a misceavious plan to make me feel better, which invariably works. :) i love feeling loved. i do miss jonathan though, and i feel like crap that i tied myself to not allowing mysefl affection from other people. thats just not fair to anyone. but i love him so much... and i need to remember to feel loved and love at least twice a day... mmm... i honor love in honor of jonathan... *sigh* i love my wonderful world...
see the other wonderful thing about my happiness last night was it was all inspired from pure love of everything. i was flirting with people because i was happy and i wanted to, i wasn't doing it out of revenge for anyone, i'm on wonderful terms with everyone. (i was telling this to jeeyon last night and she said,"wow if this were a movie it would be horribly cheesy but because it's you, it's wonderful. she got a picture of me happy as well.)
oh! also last night. i was talking with hand puppets and they commented, yeah, you wouldn't be able to talk if you were handcuffed, which led to ideas of, hey, can you do hand puppets with your feet?, so i did. i have wonderfully expressive feet, it was so amusing. we'll get it on tape one of these days. so if i ever have no arms, i'll put my feet up and talk with them instead :)
ok, cherry on my ice cream sunday of a day. emails! jonathan sends me virtual flowers *chorus of AWWW's come from the girls behind me* and a little letter from neil saying "i shall improve with time. you know what i mean. dreams" more little heart palpitations from me. i LOVE EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and i'm just SO HAPY right now. this is the feeling i beleive cosmologists are trying to acheive when they make perky perfume... i would very much like to bottle this happiness and despense it to all the people that need it. i'm so incredibly lucky. i love you all. :)
HAAAAAAAAAAPPY-NESS!!!! ok, concert/ show thing. really cool!!!!! ok, first off, cute dress. short, purple, kinda clubby, so i borrow paz's white fishnet tights, and my mom's boots. i kinda felt a bit of jaw dropping from the PLANTS around me :D. anyway, so the first group was... interesting... not too good music, and they had these people dressed up in wacky costumes and stuff, neil and i went and played pool. i felt like SUCH the temptress, all i need was a drink and black and white film! the second band, olympic year, was SO wonderful!!!!! amazing music!!! anyway, kinda by progression i got neils arms around my waist and we'd dance together (haaaaaappy). during the third band i went outside and observed the group dynamics which were facsinating because this guy tomas, who's the producer of the new stunt monkey CD, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE *heart palpitations* so i got to flirt with him for a while because i was "finally someone his age!" he's almost 19 and goes to san jose state, and he's really cute, and apparently he used to sing opera with SF opera occasionally and he's just really smart and cute and... yeah... *sigh* anyway, so stunt monkey was REALLY cool. happy music. cute producer. i actually wrote that in they're mailing request list thing in the "comment" box. after the show paz and i were talking with him and i was QUITE hyper and happy and everything and BLUNT, we're talking to tomas and he was starting to move away and i said "wait! come back! you're so cute!" paz cracks up, he turns and stares slightly, i turn to paz and say "i'm so NOT SUBTLE right now" it was shameless, i loved it. later i really thought that it was something in the dress. and all this i was explicating with WILD gestures. tomas commented, "if i hand-cuffed you, would you be able to talk?" so yes, it was a wonderful energy filled night, in the car on the way back i was explaining my whole effects and stuff about energy and music and absorbing it and everything, it was wonderful, and all this car converstation leaned over the arm rest towards neil. there was many a time that i wanted to just give him a kiss cause i was just feeling so happy. so when we got to his house i walked him to near his door, i just kinda looked at him and said, "do i get to kiss you now?" he gets this fairly suprised look on his face, blinks a bit. "you know it's not ESSENTIAL, but i've just kinda wanted to be able to give you a kiss" "oh... ok" so we kinda kiss in a horribly ackward manner (he commented, "well that was highly unsuccessful") but it was just SO cute, i was quite pleased with myself for the entire night. it was just WONDERFULLY exciting and happy. i had a good time :)
i feel i should blog about this mysterious "sjcmt people" whose really just one person, but we're so entertaining that a group is usually around and comments :) anyway, his name is jordan, apparently he has AIM and Hotmail but i'm not sure what they are yet, just finished freshman year at lincon, dancer person (for the first rehersal of mambo he was my partner, which was wonderful), shoulder length straight blonde hair, about 5' 8'', skinny, glasses, bushy eyebrows when you look at them closely, and a bit of a blond forgot-to-shave mustache that you also have to look closely for. don't ask, but he's really cute. we really have the same senses of humor and personality types, and with our odd/silly discussions/arguements/etc. we get into, people have said we're like a married couple. it's true, but we're both kinda already hooked to two or three oher people, but it a fun relationship. OH! and he also makes cute noises when you pinch him :D
*sigh* it's quite sad when you're a perfectionist about your answering machine message when rarely people call you...
on a different note, it seems my estrogen side likes to attack me all at once. first i get my period, then as that dies down i have to obsess over what to wear to a rock show thing. *hangs head in shame* i'll get over it, i know...
on the phone last night:
me: I... HAVE A FRIEND!...
jonathan: ..in the diamond business?
*aileen proceeds to crack up hysterically*
jonathan: it wasn't THAT funny..
exerp from conversation to give jist of what i would be blogging about. i have my few people at sjcmt. it's fun :)
NeeliaBuzz: *sigh*
NeeliaBuzz: there are so many big personality people at sjcmt
NeeliaBuzz: i mean, when i'm around a different group of people there it's great
NeeliaBuzz: i talk and they listen :)
Knockturne47: yeah. you must love that (:
NeeliaBuzz: but other people are just so INSANLY DOMINANT
NeeliaBuzz: it's very intiidating
NeeliaBuzz: but i've made a bunch of friends
Knockturne47: ah. well, they're drama people, what can you expect?
NeeliaBuzz: yeah
NeeliaBuzz: not too smart though
NeeliaBuzz: talented though
Knockturne47: that's cool . . . do you know anyone besides Nora at SC?
NeeliaBuzz: apparently a bunch of paly and a couple people i know from gunn are going there
NeeliaBuzz: i'll run into SOMEONE i know
NeeliaBuzz: i'm quite excited
NeeliaBuzz: part of the reason i decided to do west side story was to get my self ready for the big group of people i know few of atmosphere
NeeliaBuzz: i'm good
NeeliaBuzz: :)
Knockturne47: yeah, SC will be fun. you'll have a blast. I think my friend Tani from school is transferring back there.
NeeliaBuzz: cool
NeeliaBuzz: and i've started feeling my age more recently
NeeliaBuzz: i mean i still hang out with alot of people younger than me, but i feel more like i could turn 18 soon
(i should have blogged this earlier, i'm actually feeling better now, wired but good. anyway, needed to publish this) period's here. *snarl* why can't my uterus just be content with it's lining? why must it so ruthlessly SHED it every month? >:P
(my "t" key is having problems, so if a word makes no sense there's probably a missing "t")
i've got bat-girl and wonder woman action figures from jack in he box. *jumps about in an infintial manner* i've really regressed to my two year old self i never was. i've gotten into many a debate with jonathan and josie, my sister, over who is better. it's very much the "shampoo is betta!" debate. finally when josie kept isisting the lasso was better and bat-girl was stupid, i said, "ok, you're just not allowed to say that! these are my toys! i play with them! YOU don't get to say which one is better!" so yeah, they think the lasso is the determining weapon, but the lasso doesn't even spin the way a lasso is supposed to spin, i wanted to cut it off anyway, and she has far inferior hand to hand combat capabilities seeing how only ONE of her arms moves and even if she were fighting wih that arm, she's not looking where she's punching and that's just dangerous and bad combat. so yeah she has a surddier stance with her slightly larger feet to balance her better, but the way i'm playing with them that's hardly a dominant asset. anyway, batgirl has mobility in BOTH arms, and a LEG, which kicks if it's in the right possition (the hip's got issues) and she FACES FORWARD so she sees what she's fighting, and since she's not depending on "magical items" it gives her more time work on her karate. or at least as an action figure, appareny on tv or in the comics she had such weapons as hairspray. gotta love he 50's
i also got a lifesavers thing that says "never play with matches or lighters" he firetruck in the parade was throwing those to the onlookers. i CAUGHT mine! i was quite proud of myself.
also, jonathan and i spent about 26 hours with each other. fell asleep together after fireworks and 3 games of Guillitone (i kicked his ass the last round) and random late night conversation in raspy/sexy voices. i love him...
highlights:
"they let armless people drive cars..." "where the hell did THAT thought come from" "well i was thinking i would be great to date a one armed man..."
"you know i would love to be a late night comedian that comes on at like 2 am. i'd have the BEST job" "yeah you could just go up on stage and be like, 'i have toes... what's up with that?'"
oh and of course there was the plot earlier to be come a rap artist and release something like the White album, but instead of white, it would be blue, so i could be his Rap CD in blue... (i actually really got a kick our of that)
The time has come the walrus said
to talk of many things
Of shoes-- and ships-- and sealing wax--
of cabbages-- and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
and whether pigs have wings...
i love the rythem of lewis carroll poetry...
i really want to read things like this and rime of the ancient mariner and other wonderful stuff to like a group of children. it sounds facinating...
*giggles* i had a dish towel thing drapped around my neck and i realize it had a hole in it, so i put the intel dry-suit-stuffed-figure-thing-that-rests-on-our-computer's head through the hole, and made a ghost costume for it!! it's so amusing, i wish i could post a picture of it right now! *jumps about with amusment*
oh! oh! i forgot to mention! JOHN called me and lef a message on my answering machine. i went into a practically HISTERICAL laughing/giggling fit. jumped and roled around my room dressed like a little tinkerbell fairy, it was glorious! see! i'm talking like neil, damn him!
hi. i have a little green ank top that makes me look like tinkerbell, and it's WONDERFUL!!! yeah..
i was thinking i could put that on my answering machine, but i'm going to wait a bit untill more people get exposed to my current message.
anyway, i drove for two hours on the wayback from SB. we stopped in pismo beach and had a highly unsatisfactory meal of bottom of the bowl chicken salad hidden under those crisp wonton things and cabbage shreadings. dad had a slice of custard pie which was really small and seemed less than fully cooked. but it was decent enough, we ate it anyway. i actually go a cup of pea soup as well, which was good. and THEN, to top it all, they gave us the wrong check. so they deduct the cost of the cup of soup (aka cheapest thing we ordered) which was quite a shame because it was the only thing i took full pleasure in eating. *sigh* marie calenders is usually really good. i guess we just caught them at a bad time, thats what dad thought too.
randomness: my hair is really cute right now, it's kinda like a short high pony tail with a clip, but it's not, and it's just really cute and yeah. and i can't figure out if this stuffed fox i'm petting is actually that or if it's polyester. it doesn't say.
exerps conversations i'm having now:
NeeliaBuzz: so you agree with my declatory blog?
CornTOWM: i do
CornTOWM: but no sex with any group of people besides: you/me, you/neil, you/paz, you/me/neil.
CornTOWM: okay?
NeeliaBuzz: exactly :D
CornTOWM: because anything else would break my rules... *ponders* except me/paz. eh, whatever
NeeliaBuzz: but thats just wrong
NeeliaBuzz: in so many manners
NeeliaBuzz: and i would kill you both afterwards
--------------------------
NeeliaBuzz: stories be easier to articualate in spoken words that writtting
Neilsat: Often true.
NeeliaBuzz: like my story on my site
Neilsat: Which one?
NeeliaBuzz: childrens story never written
Neilsat: Ah, this...
Neilsat: I thought it was brilliant :)
NeeliaBuzz: :)
Neilsat: The illustrations of the childrens' book would doubtless be entertaining, tho.
NeeliaBuzz: quite :D
Neilsat: Hell, I'd read it.
NeeliaBuzz: of course you would
--------------------------
NeeliaBuzz: are you going to ashland second week of august?
NeeliaBuzz: and if so how long would you be there?
Neilsat: *shrug* I'll talk to her.
NeeliaBuzz: just make sure that you'd have an extra seat in the car just in case
NeeliaBuzz: my dad would have to go home by saturday cause he's teaching a course the next week, but if you were leaving later, i could get a ride home with you :)
Neilsat: That'd be interesting.
Neilsat: You might terrify my mother.
Neilsat: I'm certain at some point, we'd refine the Meaning of Life, or something, and frighten the criminy out of her.
NeeliaBuzz: our conversations would frighten her?
Neilsat: In all likelihood. You'd confess a desire to ignite some bodily fluid or another, and she'd just roll down the window and jump out of the car right there.
--------------------------
(continueing about living situation and sex)
CornTOWM: wait, are you ruling out You/Me/Neil?
NeeliaBuzz: um... no
NeeliaBuzz: i wouldn't force it but no
CornTOWM: what about Me/Neil? it's important
NeeliaBuzz: it WILL happen i know it. deep down he's gay, just wait and see.
NeeliaBuzz: or at LEAST bi
CornTOWM: but do you forbid it
CornTOWM: is the only question i have
NeeliaBuzz: no, i don't
CornTOWM: okay, thank you
(a bit later...)
CornTOWM: wait, are you forbidding Paz and Neil?
NeeliaBuzz: no
CornTOWM: okay
NeeliaBuzz: just you and paz
NeeliaBuzz: i guess if katy gets involved she can sleep around too
CornTOWM: but currently i'm wroking completely inside the household
NeeliaBuzz: oh ok
--------------------------
more later, if there's anything worthwhile :)
"i'm breaking through i'm bending spoons i'm keeping flowers in full bloom i'm looking for answers from the great beyond" too many songs in my head to quote them all
i really need to reset my dates so they change if the blog is after 8 am. my 12 and 1 am blogs don't belong on the following day, they were mad during the previous day, the next day starts when i wake up.
and i have another declaration, jonathan is not allowed to sleep alone any more. and since i am not either, we'll have to move in together to fix this situation. and you know what, neil and paz can live with us too. all on one big huge mattress or futon :D OOOOOOOOO!!! that makes me happy!!! but individual blankets so we don't kill others for hogging the covers :)
"i had a high school techie paint the scenery, cause when it came to funds the cut was low..."
i went shopping. bought clothes. mostly shirts, tank tops, but a few other items. i got a short black trench coat *dances about with delight*, a green hooded sweater *hugs self*, a pair of stretch capris and a pair of shorts which i will probably get to big for within a year :) i have no idea if i'll even be capable of gaining the freshman fifteen, i have such high metabolism. well, here's hoping :)
late one night, while Aileen was getting ready for bed, she took off her shirt and had a minor heart attack at what she saw. her little A cup breasts that tended to be a bit deflated seemed to be twice their normal size! Mommy! Mommy! she screamed, My breasts are huge! They're spreading into my armpits they're so big! and they're really heavy and are kinda sore too! whats going on? Well dear, her mother explained, sometimes after your ovaries release and egg to rest in the felopian tubes and wait to be fertilized by a determined sperm, the rest of the body starts preparing for a potential baby as well. So my body thinks i'm having a baby? But i haven't even had real sex! this makes no sense! Of course it doesn't dear, but what do you expect from the same species that developed the non-dairy creamer? logic is beyond us...
*sigh* an attempt at a children's story melts into sarcasm. i can't do anything right.
btw, for anyone who is interested, On The Town has really interesting music. i think i need to listen to it a couple of times, but it's a lot more difficult to follow than west side story and candide. i think it was one of his earlier shows, and it's OBVIOUSLY bernstien, but it's not as polished and neatly put together as the other two. anyway, it was one of the things we were listening to in the car on the way down here. :)
btw, for anyone who is interested, On The Town has really interesting music. i think i need to listen to it a couple of times, but it's a lot more difficult to follow than west side story and candide. i think it was one of his earlier shows, and it's OBVIOUSLY bernstien, but it's not as polished and neatly put together as the other two. anyway, it was one of the things we were listening to in the car on the way down here. :)
damn straight, reality is change! i told my dad about it (i.e. our 2 in the morning discovery of the meaning of life
) and he says, "congradualtions. you've realized the same thing descarte (sp? unlike neil, i did not ace a spelling test until i was in 4th grade, and even then i had missed an "r" in "earring") did 300 years ago. so we talked about philosophy and classes and such for a good chunk of the car ride. then we put on music and i fell asleep in the back seat for a good hour or two i'd guess, but i painfully had to pee when i woke up. so yes, i'm safe and sound (and rather well fed. yummy italian food!) in santa barbara.
and neil, at least TWO of those ANSWERS are going to change at SOME point in your life. you KNOW what i'm talking about...
