Heals The Original Dryness: 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
Heals The Original Dryness
i am no longer a faerie
it was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was the amazement at seeing her own "I." -the unbearable lightness of being
6.25.2003
benn actually just said it perfectly "you're not working unfortunately, but in some ways... fortunately"
i'm begining to appreciate the new found/extended freedom. gives me more time to read. i'm about a hundred pages from being done with wicked, and then i get to start harry potter. benns dad was really nice and while i was helping them with porch stuff he asked how much i would have been making per hour and i said it probably worked out to an average of 10 and he said well, i'll pay you that much for the work you help with the porch. so at the end of the day benn and i got 20 dollars each, which was quite nice. little extra pocket money's always nice. i'll call the dmv and see if theres any rush delivery option available. apparently theres one for getting a passport, you can pay like 50 dollars and get it sent the next day or something.
blah. i have no fucking clue.
word of warning: if you haven't seen the movie "seven" (or rather "se7en") watch it in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY and at you OWN HOUSE so you don't have to walk out to the car in the dark, dead of night, where people could spring up out of bushes and kill you. not fun, people, not fun. good movie tho. just not for those of us with over active imaginations.
it was a fluke people. a fluke and a conspiracy. i have to be fully registared with some government agency in order to be employed. my student id and birth certificate weren't enough, because my social security number wasn't printed on my student id. and my permit doesnt count for shit cause the picture part is not a valid id.
what really gets to me is nobody told me this shit. i'm starting to once again get the feeling i'm cursed. that everything i bank on will fail. and not only that, but it will screw me over even more in the future. banked on getting my license. didn't get it. not only did that ruin plans i made (thinking i'd be able to drive myself around) but now i can't be employed because i don't have a license/ID. no one told me i needed these specific forms of identification to be employed before. i was almost hired twice, and something got in the way and i wasn't. i could have delt with this shit last summer, but no. i am never going to get employed. this sucks... so hard...
and i can totally feel myself fighting off depression...
it was a fluke people. a fluke and a conspiracy. i have to be fully registared with some government agency in order to be employed. my student id and birth certificate weren't enough, because my social security number wasn't printed on my student id. and my permit doesnt count for shit cause the picture part is not a valid id.
what really gets to me is nobody told me this shit. i'm starting to once again get the feeling i'm cursed. that everything i bank on will fail. and not only that, but it will screw me over even more in the future. banked on getting my license. didn't get it. not only did that ruin plans i made (thinking i'd be able to drive myself around) but now i can't be employed because i don't have a license/ID. no one told me i needed these specific forms of identification to be employed before. i was almost hired twice, and something got in the way and i wasn't. i could have delt with this shit last summer, but no. i am never going to get employed. this sucks... so hard...
happy solistic everybody. i got comment that i need to blog more often so i shall try to do that.
i'm about halfway thru "wicked", listening to classical music right now. benn got his phone blue tooth enabled so he's been playing with that this morning. it really really cool. i would make some joke about how he's just continually jizing his pants over it, but i'm really quite hungry now, and my brain's not working at full speed. i think i'll go eat a bit. we're going to costco today with benn's mom, but i think the sample tables are out more midday than the afternoon. anyway, love you all! *mwa*
i woke up with something in my eye this morning. god i hate having something in my eye. i think its out but my eyelid feels like sand paper. its really really annoying. benns off to interview for jobs. i'm sitting here with my snacky things and a copy of "the recruit" and "wicked" not sure which i'll do. watching recruit with commentary would allow me to keep munching on snacky things. but wicked is really really good. and i want to read it. but my eye hurts. i guess that sort of involves both mediums.
i have red white and blue curcius animal cookies. they're kinda disturbing. the blue ones especially. red ones kinda too, just cause they're so red.
i got a job! i get to whore myself out on the street for 8 hours a day, but it's a job. i'm going to work for greenpeace as a street canvasser. those people with clipboards that you avoid cause you have no money? i'll be one of them. should be fun. an experience, if you will.
i haven't been in a writing mood. i've been thinking too much in terms of song, and i don't feel like just putting song lyrics up on this page does the song justice. esp since they're song lyrics to "hair" and if you know the show just putting up
my body is walking in space
is not the same. the music is so much more. plus with the original cast recording theres so much energy. i love recordings like that. so much better than studio recordings done by just singers. hard to explain. compare the original "merrily we roll along" to the revival one and you'll get a sense of what i mean.
i got plesently tipsy tonight. it was quite satisfying. esp since we were watching insomniac and daily show at the same time. i think i might be able to go to sleep before dawn today. heres hoping.
what really sucks about being awake at 4 am is i always get the urge to call john in new hampshire. cause it's morning over there. and you know... maybe i'll catch him on his way to work. i dunno. its an urge.
ian moved stuff in this morning. somehow i was thinking they might call before coming over. but they didn't. and i slept in. i was meaning to clean up a bit before they got here, but since no one called, in my sleepy state i thought, maybe they're coming later. blah. and it has just been determined that susan's bed is staying downstairs for a bit cause i can't move my bed out of my room just yet cause charles isn't moving out HIS bed until saturday. ugh...
benn, you'll love this. in the thank you's at the back of "under the pink", tori amos says "Thanks to Apple Computers it's Bitchin what these things can do."
yay! i have "hair"! god i've missed this musical. and it's quite likely i bought nora's old copy cause she sold a lot of her cds to streelight when she moved to washington, and i bought a used copy.
i totally have no idea how to pack for this summer. first off i have nothing to pack things IN, i have no where to move my other stuff that i'm leaving here, what to leave here (my printer? should i bring my printer home? for that matter, my dumb ass computer? where would it go? gah! so many questions), should i arrange the other room the way i'm going to arrange it next year or should i wait. i certainly would need to put up a closet. i think i'm going to wait. i have no fucking clue whats going on. for the next few days its going to be a bad game of 'rush hour' (or 'grid lock' if you play online) /musical beds/ musical rooms. who fucking knows whats going on. *breathes* little bit at a time. i think thats going to be the best way to take it.
gah! blogger being stupid has not saved my posts that occured while it was being stupid. rawr. not that it matters cause they haven;t been showing up anyway. rawr.
the person sitting next to me in this computer lab is writing his chautauqua process paper. i feel a little better about myself now. i'm still totally crossing my fingers as to whether sara's actually going to take my paper, which i finally finished at 6 am this morning, but only time shall tell. i totally couldn't get to sleep once i finally went to bed. when i got up this morning to take a shower, james was just waking up and i totally wanted to mock "i got less sleep than you did." it only occured to me two hours later that this was totally something that girls from my highschool would do, and it made me shudder. but i figure its only one or two weeks a quarter, its not like a daily competion as it seemed in high school.
i'm totally confusing my body. i want to compare it to watering a plant and the plant thinking its raining, but that doesn't seem like quite the right analogy. maybe knocking over a plant and the plant having no idea whether a hurricane just happened or not, just "what am i doing knocked over? this doesn't seem right".
i have 45 minutes til my next class. maybe i'll take a nap... that sounds like a plan...
the thing that seriously makes it so funny for me, is that i don't think the fish was actually named goldie. i think thats just kinda the name we made up for it once we had to identify it by name (using "it" cause i have no idea what sex the fish was). usually they're refered to by their color but more as "the gold one" or "the black one" but i doubt they could use that in print. but i can just see people holding up signs saying "we'll miss you, the gold one!"
yeah... i have no idea whats going on right now... my posts from this afternoon aren't showing up... and my posts clock seems to be on mid-asian time... i hate this computer...
hm... new scary template gone... wonder how that happened...
anyway, i was so tempted to take a vicadin just a minute ago. i'm falling over myself, i have cramps, blah blah blah, and i have leftover vicadin... but i didn't. i took advil instead. should be better soon
i so did not do work today. i mean i did, but... GAH! *throws things out the window*
its been way too long since i've done a research paper. luckily its not due tomorrow. even tho it kinda is cause it's due thursday morning at 8 am, so there is absolutly no between classes time and stuff
i'm declared as a theater arts major. i seem to be getting better. i get things done just at the deadline rather than several days beyond the deadline. this is good. i should keep this up.
ps. weird al is FUCKING INSANE! AAAAAA!!! *runs away screaming and hides*
(james has bought his new cd. and the songs that i've listened to, as in not tuning in and out as its playing but actually listening to it, i have ended up curled in a ball with my hands covering my eyes thinking, "make it stop!"
i mean it doesn't help that he plays me these things at 3 am, but thats not the point)
i feel like i'm on E right now. not that i've ever done e, but i've heard stories. i'm just very facinated by the feel of my skin right now. i was holding my foot and thinking "i really like this foot, i hope i shall always have this foot." and i just want to put lotion all over my legs, or maybe even shave them, i dunno. its a warm lazy day. but i need to do work. but instead i'm listening to queen and mixing lotions on my legs. i found that if i put just a little of the scented stuff on my knees that really does it for me. so i can smell my knees and be happy but the smell doesn't over power everything.
dude! i just discovered that for my cell phone the charge for calls doesn't go down after ten minutes of one conversation, it's after 10 minutes of calls in general are made! thats so awesome! that makes me really happy! uch! i love this phone plan!
Lost in Yonkers:
the reason we say a special blessing "thank god my grandparents moved from new york"
i stayed home yesterday evening and ate an avacado and chips and played scrabble with james while watching tv. i was supposed to go see life is a dream in the quarry, but i didn't. and i'm not sure if i'm going to go tonight either. i have work to do. and not much money. or motivation to sit out in the cold at the moment. blah. i guess its easy to be theatred out when school is still goign on.
