Heals The Original Dryness: 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002
Heals The Original Dryness
i am no longer a faerie
it was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was the amazement at seeing her own "I." -the unbearable lightness of being
11.26.2002
i love my random playlist *bouncebouncebounce*
basically i went through benn's entire music collection in the big computer and made myself a play list that makes me happy and is full of up beat songs that make you want to dance and its so happy. i put it together as a pick-me-up list, and it works so well :-D. fatboy, cake, offspring, it makes me happy *dances*
also notice the ever so clever disguises i have put on ca5ti people's names ;) *feels all sneaky* hehehehe *dances more*
i'm setting up my account and settings and preferenences on benn's lap top which i want to kidnap and keep and not let him take to santa barbara, and i am talking online to alfred and people and i really wish they were around here so i could hug them muchly cause i don't want to do work and stuff
well this weekend was fun. i still smell like people from yesterday. alfred wins the prize for best happy to see me hug ever. sharing that award with jeeyon, ingrid, and jonathan. and probably hundreds of other people. but yeah. adie barely recognized me cause she was so out of it, but then she recognized me and was like HI!!! oh man! al is going to be so happy to see you! and he was. and it was happy.
my response after act one: mr shelby is a god.
my response after act two: i amend that. mr shelby is a god, and craig is a god.
man o man
so i helped with strike, and i am sore this evening. i got very sweaty, feared for my life on shaky ladders and leaning over and attempting to hold onto something stable while i attempted to get the wrench to the right width in order to
(what i just heard from downstairs: "if you want to get an erection out of me ever again, you're going to have to stop doing that." wow... the things we hear while veronica is over...)
pry the bolt loose. it was terrible the first one i tried was so very very tight. i felt weak not being able to loosen it. but the lighting guy had trouble too so i didn't feel as bad. i was helpful. neil reproached me for coiling cables. apparently organization is not the techie's job. :-P. benn picked me up at 2:30ish, we stopped at jack in the box to feed me, and then went home and curled up and fell asleep. i was commenting when we got to benn's house "ah, my home away from home away from home". my home twice removed.
and then we ran into alfred at frys. it was fun. next blog- the castilleja experience
i don't know what i'm going to do next year. as of now it kinda looks like i'll not get any work done, cry in my room, and then go downstairs and clean things for a half hour.
i mean tonight is probably not the best night to base this all on because i got 4 hours of sleep last night and only took my bcp meds so i'm a little chemically imbalananced. but still, really not looking forward to next quarter right now.
i was planning on going to see hedwig tonight. seeing how its basically my only chance to do so. but buses at quarter to 8 run very differnetly than how they do during the day. disconcerting. i would have been late for my bus that wasn't there anyway, cause tv is bad. sucks you in. can't stop. always something on. no control. gah. so i came back and rotted my brain with james while charles talked on his cell phone outside.
nothing like a failed audition to make you appreciate the acting abilities of snl people. dear lord, i want to be like that.
i wonder if my ability to take 20 units this quarter rolls over to next quarter...
so i finsihed my spiritual journey paper this morning/afternoon, turned it in, proceeded to do a horrible audition, and now i am back at home, depressed and so very alone because benn is off to santa barabara for the weekend to do new student orientation.
what a depressing day. i really should have done my other monologue. sigh sigh sigh. ugh ugh ugh.
so who wants to do some shakespeare in a park or some place random this summer?
and stupid blogger, or stupid this computer for eating up my last post.
basically about going to dennys and it was fun but weird cause we got out before 3 in the morning which is weird cause thats what i'm used to. we left around 12:50. that about the time you're supposed to be planning on heading over there and stuff... *sigh*
and yeah show went well. done now :) more later. must write papers
you know, i think i'm going through a bout of depression. which is usually supposed to happen AFTER a show is done... not before... dear lord i hate my life
in section this morning, at nine am, a time that i really shouldn't be allowed to be not near a bed, double negative i know, our ta was attempting to get us to discuss what a thesis statement is. ok, so it consists of your topic and your point of view. alright what's a point of veiw...
*begin aileen going insane... ok, rather begin advance state of aileen's insanity*
i was SERIOUSLLY having trouble not stabing my pencil into my eye and tickling my brain with it. or alternately pulling out my eyeball with my bare fingers and squishing it between my palms. the pain. the pain. my eye twitches just thinking about that part of section. we are not fucking in kindergarden. we are college students who just didn't feel like putting that much time and effort into your fucking greek theater paper. get over it and don't FUCKING TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD
*end aileen's advanced stages of insanity*
i got to play katie's (the crow/other puppeteer's) part in the brush up rehearsal last night. it was really cool. i knew all her lines. i chickened out of doing all her lines in the second and third act, but i really could have. i just wasn;t sure i could, i kept feeling like there was some part or some line that i'd be forgetting. i just have no self esteem right now. and i really want to rip out my eyeball.
now, i would say at this point "i should go to bed" but benn pointed out that i really shouldn't be as tired as i am for the amount of sleep i get. so that leads us to one of two theorys. either i am entering some slightly more than mild depression, or i have a sleeping disorder. i like the second theory better. that would let me go to a sleep clinic, which i;ve been wanting to do for like 3 years, or ever since dr dement came and talked at castilleja.
in the more positive news, i'm doing a little better about controlling myself with my eyebrow pulling. like i was pulling a bit last night and i noticed it was mostly cause i was reaching a stuck point with my paper, and i was tired and stressed. so i put away the lap top and went to bed. slightly reassuring to my self improvement
i feel like i should divide my links (not just people, all of them) into past presnt and future, mostly cause i'm feeling more and more disconnected with highschool (but thats kinda been resolved apparently jeeyon sent out an email about her site changing, and since aol is a mother fucking ass monger, i haven;t gotten to read it yet) almost to the point where i feel i should write my spiritual journey paper on it. uch... man i still need to write that. i hate my life.
sick today, possibly from getting an eyelash with eyeliner in my eye this weekend, and the rubbing of the eye and the lots of visine and stuff fucking with my nasal passage. not fun. benn and james saw the show, which was wonderful, went to the crepe place afterwards and they fit in so well. i got upstaged by my crepe. it was so disheartening. and the we prceeded to have an orgy in the syrup. they took away the plate soon after, thank god. but it was just so bad, i was trying to tell a story and they were all staring at my crepe. jebus.
and apparently elliot and possibly john came on sunday, but i wouldn't know cause i had to stay in costume and take part in the designer photo shoot for 2 hours after the show was done. elliot was very confused as to where i was, and i was completely oblivious. man oh man, what a day.
so opening night last night. they liked our puppet scenes. it was really exciting. they were giggling just when our mice came up, it was hilarious. they were reacting so well, we were like "we have to do it tonight, we have to do it tonight." what is this thing you ask? well, it is our closing night joke. the elephant gets in a trap and he says "how can i be delivered? i have no means" and then we pop up and say "except by mice!" and then we set him free. and as a joke one day i added "here we come to save the day!" and tyler laughed, and then i realized the appropriateness and the wonderfulness of the pun and we just started cracking up and then cracking up over how i made a joke with out really knowing it, and how slow i was to get it and it was really really amusing. so we decided we'd have to put it in closing night. but tehn the audience was so responsive to that scene we had to put it in. and it got a big laugh. it was wonderful. we were jumping up and down, it was so exciting.
we were going to try to see a movie today (benn and i that is) but we slept till 2 and then cuddled for like an hour, so now we're thinking of going shopping for groceries but i also need to go bra shopping and i have a 6:30 call. *sigh*
so that earlier post was because i couldn't keep my eyes open in section, really could't decide whether to go to my later section, really wanted to just be asleep for a very very long time, and my jacket was soaked and failing its job as a rain jacket.
so i went to my friends room and slept. and it was good. and then i woke up and got three more guys to work on my other shoulder. i got three guys to work on my shoulder yesterday, i took a hot bath, and i was still tight and getting headaches from the tension. swhat i get being in a show where i wear my hair on top of my head along with a head dress. getting used to the costume tho. i almost felt like i was missing something cause i was so used to feeling like i was wearing too many layers of bulky clothes. great opening night. it felt really good, they really liked our puppet scenes. went and tried to see goonies afterwards but it was sold out, so we saw 8 mile. suprisingly good movie. well, not too suprisingly, but as sean said it "i hate eminem, but the movie looks pretty good". so yeah. really good sound track. interesting tho: "8 mile: for those who couldn't get into goonies"
ah, ten in the morning. that time when most people in high school are reaching they're second or third class of the day, yet everyone in college is either fast asleep or ever so reluctantly dragging themselves to class. the irony of it all astounds me. i was thinking of going onlinebut i realized all my college friends are asleep, and all my high school friends are at school. ha ha, suckers. no no, i don't mean that, if you had a choice you probably wouldn't be in high school right now. i know i certainly wouldn't've
ooo! it works now! * does the dance of celebration*
it looked like it was going to rain tonight while i was here at home. i was wondering if missing first rain would be an ok thing or not for me. hard to say. i was really hoping it would rain while i was in the shower so if people asked i could say i was naked during first rain. *sigh*
off to dress rehersal. clean and ready to get sweaty an dirty :-D
blogger has not been letting me publish. you are probably going to experience a large sudden rush of posts one of these days
my room smells like stargazer lily. i have good music, conversations with people i haven't talked to in a while, websites i haven't checked galore, and a beer.
NeeliaBuzz: oh man, i hitchhiked my way home, and one of the shakespeare santa cruz equity actors gave me a ride
Neilsat: Rock ON!
NeeliaBuzz: and i so recognized him cause i've seen him in the plays and stuff, but i totally didn't want to say anthing
Neilsat: Because that'd probably be obnoxious?
NeeliaBuzz: but he figured out i was a theater person cause i had this flower that i'd stolen from the beckett reception
Neilsat: Yay ! Which Beckett?
NeeliaBuzz: six of his short peices
NeeliaBuzz: act without words, footfalls, come or go, not i, ohio impromptu, and breath
Neilsat: Mm. We're doing Endgame in theatre class. Fun stuff. Light'n'cheery.
Neilsat: *nod*
NeeliaBuzz: cool beans
Neilsat: Gagh...
NeeliaBuzz: but anyway i mentioned somehow that i had done this audition workshop with all these acting studio 2 people and it was so fucking intimidating cause they all probably know me as nora's little sister
NeeliaBuzz: and nora had worked with shakespeare santa cruz muchly...
Neilsat: !
Neilsat: Indeed
NeeliaBuzz: no, it was probably more in my head, but still it was very intimidating cause these were all the big guns
Neilsat: Understood. What'd he say?
NeeliaBuzz: and so he like slaps the steering wheel and yells "you're nora's sister?!" and i'm like "yeah" and he said "wow! tell her mike ryan says hi"
NeeliaBuzz: so then i was like, oh yeah, i think i've seen you in the winter show stuffs
Neilsat: *giggles* Fun
Neilsat: Right.
NeeliaBuzz: no, no, i was like "you're one of the equity actor people, right? " "yeah" "*did a little dance in my seat* ooo! i'm getting a ride from an equity actor"
NeeliaBuzz: and he laughed and it was amusing and he's so cool and i feel so cool and yeah :)
yay! people came over! benn and i rented the shining cause all the busses were full and not stopping so i took the shopper shuttle cause it goes down mission, and i thought if all else fails i can walk. but someone in front of safeway lent me a cell phone so i called benn and said hey, want to rent a movie and he said uh... ok, and we rented the shining and came home and made pizza and watched the movie and had pizza and beer and about halfway through i heard people outside and at first i thought it was the neighbors but why would the neighbors be that close, and then they knocked on the gate. when i was at porter earlier i told the guys they should stop by after they were done meandering downtown. and they did! it was so happy! apparently they had a bunch of trouble finding the place, and they had to pool their collective knowledge of bits and peices, like alan remembered it was off nobel, and sean knew it was palo verde, so they found palo verde and looked through all the little alcove places for a slug crossing sign and our little path was going to be the last place they were going to look before they gave up. so yeah, we watched the rest of the shining with them, then sean and charles and benn played halo, and then benn started to take sean through the game and then it became two in the morning so they had to leave. the cat was inside and crawled up on my stomach so i had a cat on me for part of it. it was very fun and exciting.
ah yes, we've semi adopted our neighbor's cat. apparently she used to be an indoor/outdoor cat but then they decided to make her an outdoor cat so she's continually trying to get into other peoples places and get affection. it was really amusing, she slept like a log in our closet last night. i had almost forgotten she was there, we totally thought shed left, but no she was just in our closet. she slept THE WHOLE NIGHT there. i don't know about other peoples cats but my cats at home could usually only make it through half the night and would get up and bathe themselves or be entirly too facinated by something outside around 3 or 4 in the morning. i was writting my paper last night at 3 or 4 in the morning and i was very worried that this same thing would occur with her cause just as i was settling down to sleep i heard her stirring and i was like oh shit, gad damn it. but then she started snoring again. the one advantage to the fact that she snores, an audio cue that shes asleep so you don't have to walk across the room and check. anyway, she slept until like 1 in the afternoon. benn and i were joking that she was working off massive sleep debt, cause it's hard to sleep with racoons and cayotes around. so she wakes up around one, and she totally looked like a stoner or someone who had crashed at a friends place and over slept: she had that "oh shit... where am i? i need to be somewhere" look in her eyes, as she peered out of our closet and slinked down the stairs. but she was at our upstairs window in like 20 minutes. it was hilarious. charles was roasting garlic or something so i closed my door and opened the window... and the cat was right there... man o man, it was hilarious
ok, i need to go to sleep so i can actally take a shower tomorrow cause i haven't showered all week. i've kept meaning to, but then i'll have to get stuff done, or i'll get home late from rehearsal, or i won't have time, or something. it's insane. it's like the cosmos conspired against me this week. james was suggesting i "dress up" as a dirty hippy. but i wanted to wear my ren faire outfit. so we decided i was simply being very accurate in my renissance ways. it was my ren faire costume, but since i had wings, i was a ren faire-y. i amuse myself way too much.
