Heals The Original Dryness: 06/01/2001 - 07/01/2001
Heals The Original Dryness
i am no longer a faerie
it was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was the amazement at seeing her own "I." -the unbearable lightness of being
6.30.2001
alright, listen up party people. i am going off to santa barbara to visit my grandparents down there, one thats 85 or so, my dad guilt triped me kinda into going. i was on the fence and then dad lays on the, "you know he might not have much time..." and "you didn't come with us last time.." sorts of things. so we're heading down tomorrow and will be back wednesday, either the night before, or the next morning. it depends on which one of us wants to do the driving more.
i would also like to say that i have officially inherited nora's phone line. if you don't know the numer, email me. so i shall be using that for local and incoming calls. and she gave me her answering machine too, so you can leave me messages with out fear of parents checking it and what not. i shall b sending out a mass email too, so i apologize ahead of time for annoying duality. but i just wanted to make that exciting announcement for y'all :)
*wimpers* i burnt the roof of my mouth, so it tastes funny and hurts... *pouts* and i really want to eat the leftover pizza
we got a dvd player though and we watched vertical limit in french :) there was many a time that my mom was pointing out flaws and such and it was really annoying. but at the same time with the literal cliff hanger moments, i just had to laugh. it was great. and we yelled at the stupid characters and such, so yeah, it was fun :)
i had something meaningful to say, but then i got to reading the teenage mutant ninja turtle porn from kelli's site, and now i forgot what i was going to say earlier. *sigh*
i cleaned my room, half vacumed, got distracted, started a puzzle, checked email, will probably finish vacuming and then shower and eat before rehersal tonight.
we have chocolate muffins and butter crosants. i still wish i'd been able to stay at paz's and eat leftovers today :) that was some good food *drool*
and i've somehow gotten a bruise on my arm right where it rests when i'm typing so i have to kinda levitate my arm.
theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ants go marching one by one. hurrah! hurrah! the ants go marching one by one. hurrah! hurrah!...
beware of budding teenagers. they will enter your room when you call them b/c the phone's for them, then proceed to lie on your floor as they get complicated directions to a pool they don't get the address of. then, as they take back the lap top they rarely use any more, they will come back practically in tears when they find a few surface scratches on their cd-rom game, and tell you to stop touching their stuff and slam the door to their room, all this time looking at you as if you are the dumbest thing alive and why the hell do they have to live with you. *sigh* luckily i am going to santa cruz next year, and will miss the privalige of watching further developements in this lovely teenager i call my sister :)
and then, as if by magic, she signs off line and brushes her teeth, and the world seems like a slightly more livable place.
btw, i need to mention that moulin rouge is a really pretty movie. colorful eye candy. minipulative, over-dramatic at times, but, don't sue me, i like that stuff ;)
in the begining of school we were told to go forth and make the world a better place
and as we grew up we were taught how to deal with what we'd come upon everyday. we learned to read about "dick and jane". we learned to write all 26 letters of the alphabet and how to correctly arrange them in word (some of us better that others). we learned complext math to figure out how much metal it takes to make a can of tomato soup, and then breifly learned that a guy named andy worhal made paintings of these cans. we learned about what WE would interact with, and this we understood. but then there was the big huge world filled with more than 6 billion people. and how it was such an atrocity when a juge chunk was killed. and how beautiful it was when two people made love and produced another. but not so much how since there's a baby born every minute and practically every dying person is being kept alive, the population is growing exponetially as we depleat our resources.
and so everyone wanders around saying, "what can i do? the world is too big, and i'm just one person" well what you do is you get a shit load of people and get them to do a shit load of fixing and then change they're habits just a tiny bit and that'll make a difference.
i had a conversation with my mom the other day because she was curious about my social life seeing how the most recent update she got was from my dad about how depressed i was. so i basicly said, "we got to see eachother, and it was wonderful!"
"and there's some other 'little hussy" involved. i would only assume thats what you'd call her"
"*sigh* no. i mean, i kinda don't like it, but it's really his life and i don't have the right to be controling over that"
"well... that's, very mature of you. i take it this is you're frontal lobe speaking"
"yeah, mostly."
few days later: Aileen reads jonathan and nath conversation on her livejournal. hint of a sinking pit in her stomach forms. depression creeps up.
i think i need some food
jonathan beleives the "anyone?" *raises hand* "anyone?" thing is from a simpsons episode. and he thinks it involved martin and mrs. krabaple. makes sense. now i just need to remember which episode THAT was in.
i don't know why it depresses me so much when i go blog-hunting, to coin a phrase, (an aside) does any one know where that comes from? *neil jumps up and down with his hand raised* anyone? (dear GOD is that from a movie or did i dream that as well? it's like a very bored and long bearded teacher with one hand raised and he deliberatly does not call on him or her though he/she is jumping up and down. i know it's in harry potter, but has anyone seen that on tv or in a movie? ERG!) and no one has new blogs. i dunno, it's just searching for something knew and not finding anything. gets me down.
hehehehe, john found out the origin of my title the hard way. he saw a thing of vaseline in his friend's bathroom and immidiatly started cracking up. he told the story much better; i just have limited time right now.
i got character shoes. well, i had gotten them a few days ago, but then they put two different sizes of shoes in the box, so i had to exchange them. so it's back to the grunt work of breaking them in all over again. or at least the left shoe. wish me luck.
oh and just a side thing: i think neil is now a new sondheim recrute. he was reciting a monologue (sp?) for me, so i sang one of the many sondheim songs i know, and one of the first i memorized completely by sitting down and listening to it 10 times or so: the story of lucy and jessie, from follies. he of course loved it. :D
i've updated my amazon.com wish list, so you people know. those are pretty much sure fire good presents, and no i wouldn't mind if you bought used ones, just good conditions ones.
btw, if that link doesn't work, just do a search for "aileen menkin" it's simple, don't have to know all 7 of my middle names like SOME people have you do...
GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG NORA AND JOSIE SAW THE PRODUCERS ON BROADWAY!!!!!!!!!! AND THEY WERE ABLE TO TRADE IN THIER STANDING ROOM TICKETS FOR 5TH ROW ORCHESTRA SEATS!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL WITHOUT ME I'M SO MAD I COULD BREAK SOMETHING!!!
*deep sigh!* i just had a really flirty conversation with neil, at the end of which he reminded me "you know, we're really fairly platonic" and for a moment i was slightly preturbed, then i realized, "thats right. duh." and he further says he doesn't need life complicated with hormones. i just realized how really great that is... cause i really like having such a platonic guy friend. why the hell do i want to change that? cause it's a challenge. must realize that is a stupid reason. ok. must just stop THINKING about the whole thing. *sigh* i complicate myself. anyway, then i proceeded to accidentally CLOSE THE IM conversation b/f i printed it! i nearly had a heart attack! (on the other hand, it was a genuine "holy shit!!" moment, with sudden gasp and spasms to boot. i've had few of those) luckily, neil saves all his IM's so he can send it to me! he's such a savior!!! i could just KISS him! wait! stop that, aileen... let it be... but, but, what if things are weird now?... they'll get better. let it be... but! *sigh* it's late.. i shouldn't take this seriously. it shouldn't be important. mrowr.
on the other hand, jonathan and i kinda had sex, but it really didn't count cause... it wasn't full out sex, and i didn't get off on it. so his virginity is not lost, but put aside; and mine's really fairly intact. *looks around* what?
i also got a bunch of CDs! more forbidden broadway! woo hoo!
*sigh* i hate mornings, and the whole "getting up" thing that goes with it. see, last night when i mentioned to my dad i need new character shoes (btw, anyone who reads this, know now that leather is WAY more convenient than non leather with character shoes) he said "well wake up before 10 and i'll take you" so i set my alarm to do so and i get up and go to the dinning room looking really weird since i had fallen out of bed, to find our cleaning people coming in. so now i'm kinda hiding in nora's room with the lap top waiting for them to be done. i really feel kinda guilty because my rooms a mess and really deserves a vacuming. but i have too much shit i don't know where to put. *sigh* so anyway, i had had a cat on my chest who was trying to make out with me or something (he was nuzzling my face) but then i threw him off when his but started pressing the clicker and messing me up.
life is better. i get to see him this afternoon. i should have a fairly active sort of day. theatrical supply store, borders, somewhere else... i dunno, but i was DAMN horny last night. mrowr.
i'm liking how this template looks right now. i can't figure out why neil's name is in a different color on the side. oh well. he's just special than. now i'll have to figure out if i can make Jonathan's even special-er...*realizes thats REALLY not a word* well, apparently bad grammar is sexy these days...
"charlie... why can't it be like it was? i liked it the way that it was. help me stop remembering then. help me out charlie... make it like it was..."
"but we're not the three of us anymore. we're one and one and one..."
you forget the actual point of the song. i know time doesn't work that way, but that doesn't stop me from remenicing. i'm just quoteing the song because it's how i feel... remember, i have a division between what i think and what i do...
how ironic. i writting an entry about how life is wonderful and balanced makes me realize how much it's not. the only reason it's balanced is because everything is in ultamite moderation. i haven't seen jonathan in about three weeks. i talk to neil practically everyday, but i haven't SEEN him since gunn one-acts i beleive. dave... was a fling? definitly an experience i was supposed to take and make use of the lessons with one i truely care about... what the fuck do i do... go with the flow? the flow fucking sucks. i need control.
it feels like my 7 month pattern is holding up. no, we haven't broken up, but we're fading. i realized it's the same way we got together, slowly, over time, no specific date.
i couldn't sleep last night. i eventually did, but it really felt like i could stare at the light coming through the venitian blinds until dawn, and even until noon the next day. i'm not supposed to be in bed alone. girls in the middle ages married when they were 12. i'm at the fucking high point of my fertility.
it's not so much about sex as it is connection. i think the main reason i'm feeling like shit is that i'm not getting that same constant source of affection and light that i used to. it's all divided up. nothing constant. and i know i'm being selfish. i want to be the center of attention! i want to be the one he thinks of when his mind is wandering! i want to feel that when i'm falling asleep wishing he was there, that he's feeling the same way. we're losing that vital connection of minds. the ability to sense each others feelings, and be in sync with them.
i think this is why people are usually monogamous. it's much easier to be in sync with one person, rather than two unrelated ones. to make a crude analogy, when two women live in close quarters, their periods end up on the same cycle. it doesn't happen if she's constantly switching between two close quarter places...
i don't know what to do... do i be selfish or self-less or ambivalent... any way i'm fucking miserable...
"green limosine for the red-head/ dancing, dancing bears/ and when i dance for him/ somebody leave the light on/ just in case i like the dancing/ i can remember where i come from..." mother, by tori amos, is the most gorgeous song in the world...
btw, the "horrible horrible unidentifiable THING", as neil calls it, is going away with neosporin. "but how do you know it wasn't going away with the acyclovier?" because it wasn't a cold sore, mom. it didn't feel like one. *snarl* hella annoying though
it was wonderful. this morning i was writting in my side journal that i write my social frustrations with boys in how life is wonderful, and everythings in a sort of harmony, balancing, non-competitive mode, and everything is just great and i love everyone (ok, it wasn;t THAT happy sappy, but it was a "life is good" entry) and i was listening to the glenn gould soundtrack at the same time. wonderful piano music. i can see what angeline ment. but the ABSOLUTLY BEAUTIFUL part was i'm writing two pages of stuff about how life is wonderful and everything is balanced and good, and i finish just as the cd does as well. i called neil and shared that. it was so wonderful.
did the return thing. twas an amusing conversation trying to get what the code was over IM. it kept coming across as a return. anyway... *goes back to fiddling with page*
note to self: find and watch "before stonewall" a 1984 movie about the evolution of the place of gays in american society or something. it looks really really interesting
i can't figure out how to make the "where spelling doesn't matter" below "welcome to the page" in the side frame. is there a code thing for "return" that i don't know? and i also want to put links and stuff to friends pages and my email address and make the font bigger so you can see it, right now i only have the bold italics to make it more noticable. help me? anyone?
AND i sucessfully moved the "powered by blogger" button thing to the bottom. took me a while. i made some highly interesting changes to the design unintentionally during that time. lets see *dives back into sea of html garble*
changed the template after much searching for the little "change template" link, which was at the top of the template page in the corner. *feels stupid*
*sigh* i need to get more "structure" to my life i.e. get some sort of day activity, like a job, but it's really disconcerting because i haven't done any real WORK, so it looks like i have no experience. but i'm smart and i can learn stuff... but how do you write that on an application...
for no real logical reason, i feel like i have a tendency to ruin the mood/point/entire aura of the date with the last thing i say. it's happened once before, but that date i said many a silly/frightening thing. this one i just felt like, "i didn't really need to say that. it was really... yeah, unnessecary." *sigh* but the rest was really good. reeeeeaaally fun. *warm fuzzies* it was really.... *thinks of a way to describe it* pretty much exactly what i needed. it was just similar enough to be comfertable and feel really good, but he would just... notice other things, or do stuff slightly differently, it was nice. like my back, my back is very sexy and has not gotten much attention... until recently... it was fun. :)
and if anyone asks, we were "star-gazing". and we really were, for a time. i had a craving for a sort of mountain-top veiw, so we went to vista point and marveled at it all. it was wonderful. i need to go back on a full moon sort of night. with a jacket. unless, it's a really warm summer night... *melts*
so with the gummy bears. paz, in wonderful response to my blog a while ago, bought be a big bag of gummy bears for my graduation. so i had them in my back pack as a quick sugar fix and friend-maker (of sorts), and of course also as a slight judge-bribe thing to help us get spirit points. and i put them down at the back of our station for a bit, so i wouldn't eat them, and someone at another team gestures "can i have one" and someone else from my team (i think mattie, not sure) WITHOUT ASKING ME throws over the ENTIRE bag to them. and so many things were deing thrown around the room, i didn't even realize what it was until later jen (girl on that team) yells back "um.. we're sorry but there are only two left" sincerly applogetic, but i just didn't know what had happened and i wanted them back and MROWR! mattie doesn't like me... and it really shouldn't have been such a big deal but it was already and afternoon of bad luck, and i had already sacrificed a number of them, i wasn't expecting them ALL to be gone. i really should have known... but still, it wasn't nice... :(
uch. now to a more formulaic journal blog. saturday games, "who wants to be a millionare" the board game, (dear God, i can barely even re-write the experience it was so gut wrenching), the question: "what state is the largest in area: Alaska, New York, Texas, California", she narrows it to Alaska and Texas with the 50:50 option, she chooses texas, and half of the team would have as well... what the fuck is wrong with the educational system! no, i did not imidiately think that but while walking to mcdonalds after realizing there isn't a togos in meridian, it got me thinking. it also took much debate and metal effort to try to figure out if the language spoken in venice was french, spanish, italian, or portugese. *sigh* i'm not saying i was perfect, but alaska! i thought that was supposed to be verbally corrected everytime you showed a kid a map. *sigh* it was just depressing... at mcdonalds i was wanting to quiz every passing person, "hey, which do you think is larger in area? texas or alaska?" i didn't though.
anyway, i'm such a vouyerist. i'll be like that lady the the nokia phone comercial who talkes on the phone, eats honey roasted peanuts, and stares out her window to watch the neighbors. *thinks* it's very odd, we condemn such invasion of privacy when it's with our neighbors, we didn't ask for them to be looking in at our lives. yet we watch "reality based" TV, but they on tv did not specificly ask for us to be watching them, so do we just assume that they gave SOME group of people permission to watch them, and we just INCLUDE ourselves. well thats awfully PRESUMTUOUS. (i can't spell *SIGH*)
you know, that arguement sounded so much better in my head. the consequences of waking up at 7:45 and actually get up due to hunger... i need a shower...
you know, there are reasons why i don't talk in the morning, except to "mrowr" at jonathan. i have a feeling i'm going to regret my impulsive guest book signings and other things i've written... like that sentence. *sigh*
first, my my lip has sort of herpes, sort of not, but it hurts like hell, so i try to cure it with rubbing alcohol cause thart kills stuff right?
then i go to aviva's graduation, and even though she is one of the valedictorians, she doesn't talk. whats with that?
then i realize that i have rehersal and set shop work to do tomorrow, so i can't go out untill late :( and my mom and sisters are going off, so i'll be leaving my dad, all alone if i do...
me: i hate my uterus
him: well, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you'll just have to try to work out some sort of compromise.
me: >:P
him: :-p
oh well, I suppose that limits the scope of the crazed-weasel out-making tomorrow ;)
me: yeah...
though i've been told it makes a great natural lubricant
him: uh, dave doesn't want to find out firsthand about that
just for the record, i would like to say that Dreyers Whole Fruit Sorbet is far inferior to Haagen-Dazs Sorbet. at least in the rasberry flavor. *eats it anyway*
and ants have decided to take over out kitchen from 2 different directions now. you'd think they'd learn...
and i had a dream last night that i had a baby. i couldn't remember ever having full out sex to have it, or being pregnant for that matter (everyone was fussing over ms. aguilar) and at one point i couldn't remember what day it was born. but it was there and my tits were huge, and my right one was bigger than my left (yet they were both fairly flat, but the right one covered more area.) then in another part of my dream where i was being carried on a walk cause i was wearing tap shoes by one of my young guy friends, but then later it was ms. buchman, and mr. zucker drove by and asked about it, but by then i had changed into regular shoes so i walked to school, anyway, i realized i had a child in my dreams, not in real life, and that in most of my dreams for the last few nights (in this dream) i had had a baby. what did it meaaaan? so anyway, that i over heard a conversation while i was in the bathroom, but since i was sid (from the piranna club comic strip) and i had sold my soal to the devil, that meant that the devil had heard it all, but he needed the witness horse to prove it. so my friends and i went around labeling every horse "unofficial" or something like that, and it created chaos in this store b/c nothing was the real stuff (like mayonase or mustard. not real.) so leslie and i bought a cookie and just left the 25 cents for it in the bin b/c no one was paying attention at the cash registar, they were all fighting. yeah. and then josie nora and i were running through downtown palo alto, but it looked all futuristic to catch at SF looking troley, but i was carring this large can of something and a jug of water, so i couldn't run as fast, you know, inertia. so yeah, i was yelling at josie saying, it wasn't me, i just can't run carrying heavy things, i run really fast when i'm empty handed. one of my friends on the trolley agreed, then josie woke me up. i'm so glad i have the ability to enjoy my REM sleep while it lasts. on school days i'd have to get up, and i couldn't dream to the full extent of my unconscious ability.
"and you thought atomic fireballs were hot: at last week's all-candy expo in chicago, samples of torcher scorchers, a new cayenne-pepper-coated confection, were distributed with cups of water. candymakers are hoping other sweet newcomers will cause a similar sensation..." aileen slowly puts down the time magazine and backs away...
pazzie don't feel that trying to figure out what the hell is going on with your psyche = self involvement. people are not going to look down on you for figuring out your problems. they're all off trying to figure out theirs as well. and if they're not, they're in denial and will have major problems later in life. be releaved that you're taking care of yourself now. its a stage everyone has to go through, be glad you have supportive people around and lots of free time while its happening. imagine having to deal with this AND school. not fun. just take it as it is, however crappy it may be.
who are the ad wizards that came up with this one?
picture of a crash test truck, obviously not doing very well.
Below it (where captions usually are): "Perfect for Fathers Day!"
next to it: "Screeeeeeech... Crash!"
you know it might have been pms *scowls at her overies* i have been contemplating and discussing with my sister and her girlfriends what sort of birth control they've used. nora got depressed on her pills, but didn't realize it untill she went off of them and felt SO much happier about everything. she had a friend that went bi-polar on the pills. seeing how i have mild OCD and would probably be a likly candidate for depression if my hormones were to regulate themselves, i DON'T think the pill is for me. you know, i should really just talk to a doctor about this. i am very curious about this Norplant that you have in your arm for 5 years. that sounds interesting. esp with some people having continual spotting for the first 3 months on the depernal? demeral? (I'm not sure which is the right word, it's somthing with a D and 3 syllables) shots. that does not sound very happy at all. *sigh* i'm going back to sleep.
it brings me to a problem. i've not been seriously in touch with my emotions. theres a wall here *gestures at her heart*. i'm not sure what i should do. i'm afraid to let loose and let things out. like crying. i havn't had a very good cry recently. and moving speaches, i can feel myself getting choked up, but to i cry? no. i'm even totally non emotional about graduation. i have a great time, and i feel wonderful at gradutation, and i didn't feel like i was acting in a superficial manner there, but i'm just feeling so NUMB about everything. what do i do? have a fling? go into therapy? fall asleep at a reasonable time? uch.. i really should have done that... but no, ed HAD to be on tv at 9:00 so i don't go to bed, then feel awake again later, but incredably crappy... i need a hug... or SOME from of human contact...
i don't think it's going to hit me that i'm going to miss people for a very long time. i am nostalgic that i didn't get EVERYONE in my class to sign my year book. at 3:00 in the morning it didn't seem important. but the next morning i get one person-i'd-not-close-friends-with's signature, and suddenly i just want to know how EVERYONE feels about me. but people had left, or were leaving. it felt wrong. like i missed my oppertunity. we'll i didn't miss MY oppertunity, i was not in the right mindframe when the oppertunity was around, so the oppertunity missed ME... yeah.
mmm... cheese... did you know there are 293 ways to make change for a dollar?
do you ever have those times you are dreaming, and you don't realize its a dream, and the situation gets very confusing. like your on an airplane that is probably taking you to new hampshire, but you're not sure so you check with the stewardess and she says that it has to make a few stops first. so your wondering, well then why did i take this flight? and why are all these people i know here as welland are they going to concord as well? so when you finally wake up it's like, "of course it was a dream. why didn't i realize that?" i know YOU haven't had that jonathan, but you're special.
really fragrent roses can be smelled like pot. you inhale and just hold the scent in. it's the only way to sustain it really...
fso much bloggin'. so little time. and too many random keys you can push to make 20 minutes of work go away. *SIGH*
ok. i'm graduating soon. "school's not over until i get to sleep in". 8:30 am rehersals kinda kill it. plus no one belives i'm a senior. i don't look it at all. then i hang out with underclassmen, so it's not like my entire existance has been revolving around graduating.
um... *trys to remember what came next* i'm tired? OH, all living relatives are in town to see the graduations. it was the first sort of factor that got it in my brain that i might be graduating, and its a big deal. usually that happens for people when the tent goes up. i guess i'm special.
saw bobby's band at lunch. :P to paz. he was severly hitting on Kris, it was pathetic.
randomness of 2:00 am: i gratuate in 12 hours. is that ham? and other brunching shuttlecock stuff.
uch, anyway, tap dance. stuff... quotation. turning moment... yeah...
i'm tired. must sleep. gad damn it i had such good stuff written already, why'd it have to go delete itself. anyway, in breif, i counted so the tap dance ended at the right time, go me. i don't hear the applause "wash over me." i remember distinctly the bow and what i saw, but not the volume of the applause, if any.
then there were the quotations. i was still debating mine until about 5 minutes before i had to go up. i had originally thought of doing "pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living" then it was going to be newton's law of motion as a symbol of people, and i was debating between the two. then in my seat i realized, hey i should do a sondheim quote (definitly eleanor liu's mental vibes coming through) so i tried desperatly to think of the words in the "anything you do let it come from you, then it will be.." new? you? true? i couldn't remeber. i was about to do the first verse of "the hills of tomorrow", but saying the last line with it, which i realized purists would not be happy about. so i thought "don't ya know, we're the movers and we're the shapers, we're the names in tomorrows papers, up to us now to show 'em" would be good, but it didn't have the little 'click' to tell me "yeah, thats the one" (side note: gad damn my wrist hurts) and the second verse of "hills of tomorrow" really did, out of all of them. so i did that one. and the act of doing my baccullareate (sp? who cares...) quotation was really what made me realize, "hey, i'm graduating" and i was getting slightly choked up. twas neato. ok. more later. but now sleep.
so i talked to my dad while he was half asleep last night. this morning he didn't remember much exept me saying i was considering being in west side story again. and he brings up the ood points like it's a great show, it's got really challengin music which would be a good experience for me ar a dancer person, and kevin houge is a wonderful director and a wonderful and unique person to work with... so... *sigh*... but i want money... and i really don't like the idea of doing rehersals for a week or two just to "see how it is," i'm a commitment person. merRRRRIFFF >:P ... mrOWR ... if i had stayed with my rash hastilly made desicion, things would be so much easier. if only... "the road you didn't take, hardly comes to mind, does it?". yes it does, mr. sondheim, yes it does... this sucks...
hey, i just got it. they use air-craft type names for the "jets" and sea-creature type names for the "sharks" hehehehehe, thats cool... hey don't look at me, i didn't make them up.
alright, it looks like "satillites" are a step up from "orbiters" and "capsules", so their high-end jet girls. i was mistaken, i'm not really a nothing part. i should not be insulted with being cast as "brenda" because i would get to be in many a good dance, it looks like. ok, that helps my ego but i still don't know what to do with myself this summer...
neil's a cutie. what i'm going to do with this extra cutie, besides talk to him, i'm unsure of at the moment. something i am a bit more sure of as a result of a fairly theraputic conversation with neil is that i'd rather have a well paying paper shuffling job then be in west side story. i got a little extra-dancing-girl part, and i really feel like i'd rather not be a follower/little fish this summer. i was approaching west side story as a bit more of my chance to venture forth and conquer, but everyone else kinda has more experience with venturing forth and conquering, so i'll let them do that. this sjcmt is not particularly the pool i want to swim in this summer. with this chart room job, i can get paid and praised. i like this. so yes, that is my current resolution :)
i got good reviews from mary keil (producer of starmites on broadway)!! it was in the may/june edition-that-i-didn't-read-until-this-morning of Around the Circle (i'd link it but it's too early in the morning.) She Liked My SHAK GRAA!!! *dances about happily* oooooo!!! that makes my day! :D
lyric that is stuck in my head: "but you can't kill me! i'm too SICK to die!" -Candide (musical)
jonathan, how could you not like shrek? you were just having a bad day. either that or you're just being stubborn and deliberately going against the common opinion so you have a reason to argue... and you know thats why i love you :)
"so mr. shakespeare, we just have one question for you. 'why did you write 16 plays when you could've written just one?'"
