when we were in santa cruz benn dropped alfred adie and me off at wherehouse. i had a bunch of cd i thought i could sell. out of ten they could only possibly accept one. at the used cd store down the street they wouldn't take any. i had little hopes that streetlight would take them, so i just donated them to the used cd shop. i was tired of carrying them around. i should have brought a bag to carry them in. then i might have taken them down to streetlight. the point of this story? i'm having reverse buyer's regret. what if i had taken them to streetlight? maybe one or two would be accepted. or at least i could've kept the one that where house would've taken and gotten 2 dollars off a cd of some sort. *sigh* ce la vie
in the meantime, benn was off buying me a present of some sort. it is currently wrapped in a medium sized long box. and when i "shake it" the most that happens is it slips from one side to the other. so he seems to have done complicated packaging to hide the shape and stuff. i gave him a dvd (which dvd? just wait and see). it looks like a dvd.
other gift's i'm giving tally:
green,white,gold mask from mask place in sb (i got myself a dark rainbow-y sort. makes me happy)
earrings from same
cd that benn bought that i'm giving
and a little clippy thing for josie (doh! i should have brought that down with me. i'm at a west valley nursing home with nivek waiting for mom to get done and then we're off to chinese food)
my lap is hot. stupid titainium
and i also feel very crowded on this screen. i dunno why. anyway, my right eye's long distance vision seems to be worse than normal and i'm not sure why. also it took me a while to remember which eye was my bad eye. i was freaked out for a minute that my good eye had gotten worse than my bad eye.
i am currently curles up in a blanket, cold air is making my feet cold (and now the top of my head, stupid system), my eye itches, my neck is in a terrible position, and "everybody hurts" is playing on the other computer... :( so melancholy
you know, i think i'm jsut gonna go to sleep. that might help. tho i've been having really disturbing dreams recently. i think i'm stressed. i shed a lot of hair and i'm having dreams where people are trying to kill me. *sigh* why are all my blogs depressing... i actually had i really nice day. benn, alfred, adie, and i all went over to snata cruz and benn got some of his stuff and then we went downtown and said we'd go to this store and then got distracted by that store and it was really fun and i love them and yeah. al really wants to come to come to santa cruz now. :-D. and benn got bionicle lego things and constructed them while the rest of us were looking at things he wasn;t interested in and it was really cute cause we were all looking at dolls and stuff and he's playing with legos. it was really cute. but actually later while he was playing with one i was playing with the other and it was really fun and we were just being silly and acting like three year olds and benn;s parents were pretending they didn;t know us :-P
dang it! damn camouflogue, dangling gorgeous reasonably priced clothing in front of me when i really have no money to buy things that i don't need but reeeaaaally really want!
wisdom teeth holes look good. quite an adventure getting there considering it was such a short appt. my friend emily who i've known since forever, was able to drive me to the dentist from the train station (over slept, missed bus that would give me time for extra public transit) and we proceeded to get lost several times (not lost, we knew exactly where we were, it jsut wasn't where we were supposed to be) so we ended up taking the "scenic" route. but it was fun. we got to chat and catch up and complain about crazy dentist that are obsessed with pulling teeth.
after th extremely short appt that was about as long as i had to wait to be seen (which was a while, it was kinda annoying, but i get there late so yeah) i got dad to pick me up with nivek and i got to play with nivek and he's such a cute puppy. my dad's not too interested in replacing my computer, but he did offer to give the old desktop to me for internet access if i couldn't find a good deal for fixing my laptop.
and my mom's still insane, but i love her lots
the bus is not the train ;)
pardon, i think i put a faulty image source up (picture of my handful of pills which i reference in post) which has messed up my ability to edit the post it was in. so sorry for the annoying repetition of posts. i'd fix it if i could. but it's three in the morning and i should sleep.
i have become a regular pill popper...
note: tho i have access to an insane amount of perscription drugs, i am not about to abuse them. this blog has just been a comment on the insane numbers of pills i am having to ingest nightly this week (the pink and blue pills along with two and a half of the white ones are regulars, often accompanied by my bcp, which is in absence because the antibiotics i'm on (third round white pill) cancel it out. plus i'm taking a combination half vicadin pill and two ibprofens. all in one gulp. can't do it without water tho. tried that once. almost died. well not literally, but if you've ever gotten the back of your throat dusted with half disolved thyroid medication, you'd know what i ment)
i pity the fool who gets my kidneys
i got my wisdom teeth pulled. they were going to do all four and but i was like "nuh uh". i just wanted my lowers pulled cause they were erupted already. also i had to get that teeny tiny cavity filled. anyway, i think i had chipmunk cheeks for about 4 hours... and now i'm good. i basically watched muppet dvd's while chomping down on gauze and rinsing with salt water once or twice. quite fun. i think vaicadin helps me do word jumbles, cause i did the one in the paper in about 3 minutes. it was really amusing. *shrug* anyway, so that was my adventure in teeth pulling. my mom did have drugs i could use to basically knock my brain out for the course of the procedure, but she didn't offer until afterwards when she told me she thought of it too late cause they take an hour to kick in. but you know, i think everyone should at least experience physical pain once or twice. it's a very zen experience. just kinda like, how do you deal? cause you have to, in some way or another, you're getting a tooth pulled out by the root in the back of your mouth. i was twirling my ankles and trying to breath through the pain. i doubt i'll ever go through natural labor. my mom had c-sections for all three of us. combination small pelvis and some bone bits sticking up towards the uterus that would very much damage our heads. and nora and i were breech babies.
anyway, now i need to figure out how i'm getting home, cause i forgot my medication coming over the hill, so i have to go back tonight. and yet at some point i'm meaning to go visit castilleja... not sure when that'll happen...
my mom thought by segway i ment segue as in something for a conversation.
no, people. by segway, i mean segway, the kind being sold for a limited time on amazon.com oh man... i want one...
i miss people. and by people, i mean john. i keep flashing back to soph/junior year of high school, sneaking downstairs at midnight and quietly typing away online until 3 in the morning. so now i keep subconciously wishing i catch him online (even tho i know he's blocked the world) and then becoming depressed by the lack of "people" to talk to. and i always get this way at 12:30 or 1 in the morning. so impulsivly calling is out of the question. *sigh*
i need a more effective way of communicating with people. and by people i actually mean people.
... the estimated cost of repairs for my laptop is about $965 dollars. i don't remember the exact number, but it was something in the 900s. they called around 8:20 and i couldn't find the phone before the answering machine picked up, so i listened to the guy leave a message on the recorder. the pc card slot is damaged, and apparently theres also some damage on the mother board. i'm not sure if its just that the warrenty doesn't cover these repairs, which i kinda suspected seeing how the only kind of physical damage they covered on the website was that of damage during shipment. dude, i could buy a cheap desktop computer for less than $965 and use my laptop for word and games and movies, and the cheap desktop for internet and downloads and stuff... research time... more later
when it rains it pours dude! my ex-fiance has a new fiance! except i have no idea how new it is. but still! thats really exciting! more reason for me to want email, but in the mean time i can just cross my fingers that john (sefel, see links, i know too many johns these days) occasionally stubbles across my blog and reads this and gets this big virtual blog hug (wow, and people say technology makes society more disconnected)!
every once in a while it pisses me off that i don't have access to my email...
i bought toe socks and necklaces and some black jeans that fit my boyfriend better than me. but they're techie pants and i've been meaning to get myself some techie pants so i don't have to feel silly for compromising at navy blue. tho i don't actually feel that silly, in the dark you can barely tell the difference. anyway, i then proceeded to spend more money today when james and i went downtown and i went to camoufloge and he went to the comic book shop and i bought me pretty dresses and a skirt (and by dresses i mean one dress cause the only excuse i could think of to buy a dress was for beverly's wedding and tho the other one was all crocheted and beaded and would have enery one oooing and aahing over me, it had polyester lining and i hate polyester because it's all static-y and i'd have to borrow a slip for the wedding and then i wouldn't wear it again unless i actually bought myself a slip and seeing how i couldn't even bring myself to spend more than 10 dollars on a garter belt, buying a slip would be an extra expense indeed) cause there was a 30% off all apparel excluding sales items sale, and it was far too tempting for its own good, so i bought stuff. not as much stuff as i would have (see above) cause my parents called and mentioned that i don't seem to have much money in my account and i should probably get a check from them so i can pay tuition and rent and stuff. so yeah, i think i might go home tomorrow. maybe stay for the next day and follow my sister to school. *sigh* if i had a segway...
"lets not have double standards around here, one is enough"
-george carlin, (my new personal hero)
apparently, according to charles, you can donate your eggs for 5,000 dollars. i should do that and buy a segway. oooohh man i want one so bad. i feel like i should get my license and then not ask for a car... but a segway...
tho let me make it clear that i'm not depressed 24/7. it comes in occasional spurts, which drive me to seclusion in my room, and what better way to release some pent up feelings than to blog.
quick update: done with school. first quarter in college where i am difinitively done when i should be. no bargining with teachers about turning in 5 week late papers, no trying to decide whether to just bite the bullet and fail a class, no mistaking when a final was and having to retake it in a private session. i mean it helped that i only had one final, or psychology and religion final was optional because we as a class did so damn well, and that final didn't have any wrong information about where and when it was. and DAY-AM i wrote the best essay ever for the second part of that final. i took a really long time with the ID's cause it was 8 in the morning, so i didn't really get full on started with my paper until most of the people were already done. but once i finished a little outline of how to address each question i was just off and i was having sociological insights and figureing out centuries of division between men and women and repression and just figuring out society as we know it. it was insane. but really cool cause i left the exam with that feeling *inhale...* ha... i did really well. which is a highly unusual feeling for me. i really having gotten that in over a year. it was kinda weird. i didn;t know what to make of it.
so my current depression which is not so current anymore cause writting the above helpedwas me thinking about how the guys are leaving to go home before benn and i are... but when they get back... benn won't be here... so when they say bye for winterbreak they're going to be saying bye for good (well not for good but for moving out) to benn... and that was really depressing. the next time i see them benn will be really far away. *sigh*
so we're watching trailers off of the apple website. this movie called "gerry" one person describes as "blair witch meets beckett." i found that very amusing. guerilla existentiallism. not to mention is has matt damon and casey affleck. looks interesting.
and i really need to stop reading other people's blogs. they do nothing but depress me and make me jealous and miss people and so i sit and stare at the computer screen thinking to myself "i hate my life" when i really really shouldn't.
so we went to santa barbara. charles is a terrible driver. he gets very ticked and whines at me when i tell him that. but when we're drifting so much that the white line is going underneath me, and i say, "you're drifting" and your response is "i know..." there's something wrong with your driving practices. anyway, santa barbara, grandparents are well, cousins are cute, life is good. we do the thing with the stuff and the food. rousaing rendition of cerades, where josie got stuck with "worst case senario". she got very frustrated with that one. i started making up hard ones and i have a bunch for next year too.
saw harry potter, got little reading done, brought home tangerines, the usual. :)
 cancel it out. plus i'm taking a combination half vicadin pill and two ibprofens. all in one gulp. can't do it without water tho. tried that once. almost died. well not literally, but if you've ever gotten the back of your throat dusted with half disolved thyroid medication, you'd know what i ment)<br />
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