Heals The Original Dryness

auditioned for west side story. basicly tagged along with colin and alissa, who reminded me of nathalie a lot. they are so cool. i feel like i have more of a crush on alissa than colin, it's the whole new and unusual cool person i want to get to know better THING goin' on. btw, all people reading this site. buy me a big bag of gummy bears! gummy worms are fine too, but just gelatinous sugar substances. they are SUCH good sugar fixes, i was amazed. they and advil will be my saving graces this summer. uch, i'm SO HAPPY I'M DOING A SHOW!!! *skips about*

well, with no sorbet i'm down to phish food frozen yogurt, high in calcium and does the trick. i've noticed that i use sorbet and ice cream stuffs as my oral-manual fixation fix, and it really works!! people should replace smoking with ice cream! wait, people have a thing about how they look in this country. damn. people would rather be thin and die, then be plump and happier. i hate society...

and i've boiled down what i don't like about andy into something. he doesn't listen/absorb what i say, he only listens to himself (exibit A: he laughs at his jokes way more than i do...) which relates to the postulate jonathan put forward at prom, he's rather egotistical/self-centered. i am so glad i have jonathan.

to wrap up my bloggin' here tonight. jonathan, i love you, and the more i think about it, the more i realize how just running it by me and asking for permission is the perfect solution. it keeps me involved, it gives me a sense of control, yet it keeps things casual with us, it's wonderful. i was going to print out our IM conversation for my journal, but then i closed the window i hate that :(

peace y'all. life's still good

so, what fixes busted tires better than sorbet? cute tow-truck guys.. aaaww yyeaahh..

so much bloggin' to do

first: i'm finishing off the sorbet. it's time to go to the supermarket again.

second: i think age is relative, i'll explain in a bit.

third: i've been useing this more and more as a sort of journal thing, which is ironic. it seems to be easier to write on myself on the computer, but easier to write analytically, aka essays, by hand. maybe i just hate microsoft word...

fourth: i just had a very long conversation with andrew, interesting boy that i met through liz whose been calling and talking to my sister for long periods of time, which causes us to dub him "talkative guy"... he likes me. if i'm interested in an older guy i should call him up. i sing (as i always do) and he ORGASMS. this is odd and bizzare. i have this guy that really reminds me of adam, chloe's pathetic clingy boy, in how he talks and how he's just vague and giggly about sex stuff, yet he's passionate and poetic about love... and if he orgasmed when i was singing, how long had he been aroused? why does he tell me these things? i'm liberal and open minded but i just wasn't expecting THAT... oh God... jonathan, i need you... uch, he means no harm, i'm just disturbed about what sort of emotional comitment he's going to put on me... but he has his cello, he doesn't need women. he's just using this as a growing/learning experience and taking it for what it will teach him... i don't like how he's so instantly analytical. just take experiences as they are, refect later... be more like me... jonathan i need a hug... i'm being way too paranoid about this. if i want to just stay friends, we'll just stay friends. i have that power and control over my life. he's got a crush on me. he finds me interesting. it's flattering, not my problem...

*sings* for the sun will rise, and the moon will set, and you learn how to settle for what you get. it'll all go on if we're here or not, so who cares. so what. so, who cares. so what...

there are two kinds of people in the world. those who've gotten into accidents with their cars, and those who will. i have just moved into the first category. two blocks from my house, 8:50, i'm getting in to driving mode in my head, go through an intersection, realize halfway in that wait, i needed to look both ways, do so, turn wheel with head, dad points out i'm going off from center the center, i don't break hard enough, run front-left wheel over median island with a clunk, blow out the tire, somehow it cracks the windshield as well, i break down crying... it would have been better but it was the first time josie was in the car with me driving as well, and it's like the oppertunity my mom now has to say, "there are so many things to think about, she just needs more practice..." i was doing really well with driving up till then. AAAAARRGG!!!!!!!

well, i have mango sorbet to comfert me, and i have a plan for when jonathan gets home... hopefully i'll actually do it :) *sigh* at least tomorrow is still a day off, so we don't NEED the car. uch. candide is a good musical.

*sings* i got rhythm, i got MUSIC!!!!!!!!!! my dad bought me lots of sheet music as a graduation present. Sondheim (*happy dance!*), Caberet (complete!!!!), sweet charity... have i mentioned life is good?

once again, life is good. i have rasberry sorbet. i have no homework except history reading if i want to do it. our pool's got the solar panels running into it. i slept until 3. i have wonderful friends. soon i'll be graduated. who's to complain... it would be all even better if a certain someone was here. but oh well, he'll be back soon. *mwa*

watched Free Enterprise at elizabeth's house with jonathan, before she steals him off to go to ashland for the weekend. grrr. stupid family traditions... anyway, we were just cuddleing and every so often i was just struck by how incredibly happy and contented i was. life is good. i want to keep him...

called J, got to talk to him for a bit. he's cool. paz: ;P hehehe now i'm desperatly trying to get an essay due 3 days ago done. i hate school. no, i just really hate writing essays. i'm tired. and i have really nasty mosqito bites, one which is on my pinky and refuses to respond to cortisone that i put on it. grrr

i attract the most interesting guys. i think J. (cute paly/foothill dancer guy who we hung out with on friday, for anyone unfamiliar...) may have been my brush with semi normal, but who knows yet. andrew called my house this afternoon and wanted some way to contact me so josie gave him my cell phone number and he ended up talking at her for like 5 more minutes, which really weirded out josie. so i'm trying to teach her to ditch subtlty and just say, "hey, i have to go. i'll give her the message. bye" rather than timidly saying "ok, bye..." uch!! i feel a bitch out session coming up. "andrew! you're an fucking idiot! leave my sister alone!" and "liz! you're an idiot! why do you go after these guys!" *sigh* at least at UC santa cruz the place will be large enough that i can meet new people everyday, yet find familiar faces if i want to. well that was contradictory. "i don't know what!!!"

jonathan, i'm so lucky i have you. i don't have to feel i have to go out with boys i talk to but don't really like, cause i have you. and you make everything wonderful and happy, and you make me happy... who could ask for anything more...

:D i made him into a jonathan-shaped puddle!!! and he was so cute as a jonathan-shaped puddle!!! *orgasmic noise* i tryed to explain why the mear thought of you was so damn wonderful and happy (i was noticing how i have a combination of my dad's curls and my mom's waves and texture, and i thought of your wavy hair and i started to smile and beam uncontrolably) and it didn't seem to have the effect i wanted. maybe it's just a difficult thing to explain to one's parents. *shrugs*

*sigh* tell me if the topic of all my blogs is getting annoyingly redundant

hey pazzie, i think that the world would be much better with fewer stinkin' humans.

jonathan... you're cute... btw, how much would hip connection surgery cost?

and who else is out there? just tell me if you visit. just so i know my audience :) you know i love you all not matter what.

my friend Aleza sent this to me. it's really cute. and quite true. however because Ms. Hof said so (and Ms. Hof is GOD), i'm inclined to say we should go for nuclear power like practically every other country in the world, and figure out a way to recycle the waste as some countries have as well. but you know what, a letter saying, "stop that!" never hurts.

Postulates of aileen (abridged):
-takes her twice as long to do anything, as compared to everyone else.
-large gap and division between fantasy/abstract and reality/cognitive.
-likes to have at least a feeling of control
-active: experiencing :: passive: reflecting/anticipating

*sigh* now i can't decide whether to write my speach on this or to continue with my revised senior talk and college essay speach...

you know, the problem with going to an all girls school is you define the exciting moments in you life as those encounters with boys. "so anything new?" "yeah i talked to some boys!" "ooohmygaaaawd!" "yeah! it was soooo cool!" (sadly, that is what i do)

ah... prom... spent dinner talking to liz's date who was blatantly attracted to me, spend time talking and cuddleing with jonathan (debriefing session before it's time), and then liz got an illergic reaction to something and left with her date, so the debreifing session was at the right time, but it was in the middle of the conversation. anyway i'm experiencing the "i want what i can't have" epidemic to a slight degree, mostly because i didn't get to finish the conversation and he was pretty cool. gave me more exercise in saying "ok, here's the line, you've kinda crossed it, don't do that right now" i love castilleja. and my parents. and jonathan (sooo much). life is good. "life is happiness indeed..." :)

WOO HOO!!! HOUSING APPLICATION CAME IN THE MAIL!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!! *Skips about* i think this is how nora felt a few years ago :) i'll be in cowell (just like my parents were) i'll post my mail address when i get it. ooooooooooooo!!! i am so excited!

uch, on a side note, i would just like to reiterate how wonderful and sweet and cute and amazing and wonderful and... yeah... my boy is :)

"life is swingin'/ skys are blue and bells are ringin'..."

ugh. sickness. stuffy nostril and raw throat. >P well nothing a bit of advil, popcorn, cheese and tortilla chips can't fix. and sleep, yes, sleep be good. slept for along time at jonathan's. i'm sorry darling if it seemed like i was pushing you away, i was just too warm. and i'm sorry for drooling all over the blanket/pillow. eh, you probably didn't notice. uuuuuuuuuuugh. i don't like being sick *eats popcorn and trods around*

i talked to neil on the phone this afternoon, originally trying to see if he'd go to prom with erin, but he has a show. so i basicly kept talking to him just to get more of an idea if i like the guy, and yeah, he's cool, but.... compared to a certain other person... it'll never really develope into anything lasting. fun possibly, but, well, to tell the truth he had a few to many resemblences to keith to be comfertable...

it's weird, i'm really not a morning person, but i'm always hyper when i get to school. no, thats a lie, i'm always hyper when i've got something exciting in the morning ("behooooold!! the stooone...") and this morning i've just been all excited about prom! it's gonna be sooooo CUTE, AAAAAAA!!!! *runs around*

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from
where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way
because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I nor you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep
it is your eyes that close

-Pablo Nuruda

Jonathan, i love you. sooo much. i don't know what else to say... you're wonderful

"BEHOOOOOOOOLD... THE STOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!! *dancing* behold the stone! behold the stone!..."

the Gunn one acts were really cool!!! i got my dose of REALLY good student work and energy and i feel like my batterys are SO recharged. THEATRE PEOPLE ARE SO COOL!!! i'm hyper just from coming in contact with them.

by the way, jonathan, be sure to put an arrow towards neil on your little chart thing. just an arrow, thats all. you know it cause you were there. ;D *BOUNCE-EE BOUNCE-EE*

mood swings? me? never.....

uch, i am misspelling "isolation" over and over again. i like how "issolation" looks better. if you think about it, it makes sense. in "isolation" there's only one S, all alone and isolated. but i still i like how "issolation" looks better

once again, bush is an ASSHOLE, and he is not helping to slow the process of this world going to hell in a handbasket. i hate people...

i made tang-cicles! de're YUM-A-LICIOUS!

eh, it's slightly edited for readability. thats why his is slightly different

Me: woo hoo! much-too-forward online guy can't see me!
Jonathan: was this the sit-on-face-showtunes guy?
Me: yeah
Jonathan: thank the lord
Me: he should be a simpsons character
Me: like have random simpsons characters chatting with someone online who is much too forward
Jonathan: i dunno, it sounds like a superhero to me
Me: hm... maybe for men
Jonathan: look! it's a flasher! it's a molester! no... it's... much-too-forward online guy!
Me: fighting to win a date from hot-but-not-interested Lesbian
Jonathan: going on my webpage
Me: :)
Me: wait, it should be hot-but-not-interested lesbo Gal
Jonathan: eh. already blogged.
Jonathan: not as good as the who's line superhero "man who repeats everything man"
Me: old school who's line?
Jonathan: oldschool!
Me: of course... :D
Jonathan: do you think much-too-straight-forward online guy would fight side to side with H2SO4 semen man?
Me: no, they's probably be rivals who unite to conquer the world when it's threatened to be taken over by femenists
Jonathan: *grumbles* stupid women
Jonathan: flowers and foreplay
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Jonathan: that's all they want

slinkys are waaaaay too much fun

"thats a pent house apartment, a view of the park, oh, life is a lark-o, for ginger delmarco...."

singing mood again. finished my AP english exam. i think i did well on the multiple choice but not on most of the essay part. like i care...

*falls asleep*

my sister is reading "of mice and men" behind me and crying "SHIT" every couple of minutes. seems upset. i guess Steinbeck is a good writter.

i've been almost LIVING on sorbet this weekend. this is the key to making me happy. strawberry, boysenberry, and MANGO SORBET!!! no rasberry though :(

but heaven... i'm in heaven...

i think my dizziness might have been due to fogetting my medication most of this week. my sleeping patterns have been off and my luvox has not been out and in plain sight. i took a half dose this morning, which shouldn't really have any side effects (sleepiness) because i'm already sleepy. i think i should seriously not be allowed online on friday nights because then sleeping till twelve is not 15 hours of sleep. i probably would have slept longer this morning but my sister was having problems with the shower head being weird and not coordinating with its labels, which threw her into a frustrated fit. i love this family. i was having a dream where i was first on a trip, i don't remember too much there except for there being a bridge with redwoods in the water below, and aaron goldstein was on the trip too, i think there was some romantic tension there, then i was doing a scene with him and practicing in various locations and trying it with sets, then i was it was a friend episode and everyone was trying to get other people fired, and joey (/me) stole a delivery truck with all these drinks and stuff in it, so then i had my pirate's booty in a plastic bag and was trying to eat it up at castilleja, and other people were helping and such, then an administrater walked by so we went into a class room to be less conspicuous. yeah... don't try to make sense of my dreams, it all seems normal while i'm asleep.

i love this blogging capablitly, it's like writting a letter to everyone :)

ok, hopefully that last blog came out, it was having issues earlier. uch. okay, i don't have time to have like a full fledged diary entry so here's just topics i would have covered: blisters on feet, being the "refined bag lady" (whatever that means, tomas is just weird), having a TOTALLY wonferful dad who is teaching me the key to stepping aside for a fairly irrational attack is simply replying "i'm sorry you feel that way" ("marcus, i LOVE this concept, i embrace this ozone...") weird dizzy speels probably due to stuffy nose (founders day sun and allergies, who knows) so i think i'm just not getting enough oxygen i don't know, saw wayne brady in an arena much two large for an improve show, being so exausted but happy because i realize i surround myself with wonderful people! i love you all! and you know your wonderful because i don't want to hang out with people who are anything but wonderful. and a certain person is just everything i ever wanted and more ("life is slow but it seems exciting 'cause Buddy's there...") and there are probably numerous others that i just can't remember right now. if any one want to get me a bunch of little things that are specificly for blogging reminders that would earn you lots and lots of extra cool brownie points. i always feel when i get these blog worthy thought that what i really need is a portable blogger. i could just carry around a journal, but then it wouldn't be as much like the one woman show i feel this really is. i want to get one of those tally things to see how many hits my site gets. and i also want a guest book, so i know who's out there ("is there any body OUT there....") uch. must sleep. PS John, stop checking your mail at such ungoddly hours and write me!

oh, for all those non existant people that have asked me whats up with my page's title, i'll tell you. on my little, ever so handy tub of Vaseline, it has a logo that looks kinda like this

Heals
THE ORIGINAL
Dryness

the "Heals Dryness" is on a cirle surronding "the original". now, i always read those labels the wrong way. i see "book oprah's club" or "25% Free more", you know what i mean. so hence: the name. it also could have been "Not my bag of chips" but i'm saving that for the crappy band i'll create in future.

now, this didn't TECHNICLLY (sp? not a clue...) happen. i mean if you look at it the right way, nothing EVER happens....

*singin* there she was justa walkin down the street singin DOO WA DIDDY DIDDY DUM DIDDY DOO. snappin her fingers and shufflin' her feet, singin DOO WA DIDDY DIDDY DUM DIDDY DOO.....

i'm just in a singing mood. this song has no significant meaning except that emily behind me was singing someting that sounded like it, so i'm singing it now.

gardinias are nice flowers. we have a plentiful bush of them at home. i also like stargazer lilies, if anyone cares.....

horny teenagers? us? nooo...

i've been having a day of really not feeling very cute, i didn't wash my hair this morning, i got about 5 hours of sleep, and i'm TOTALLY STRESSED and hating school, ready to keel over and sleep, and people are saying i look cute. *what the hell!* and it wasn't just chloe and jonathan, both of whom i shared my woes with earlier, but at the train station, my sister and i are just talking, and this little old guy says as he's walking past us, "hey, how are you pretty ladies doing today". a while ago, that would have made me happy but today i'm just like, "shit, there is NOTHING i can do to NOT look cute!! ARG!!! i thought i had control over this" *sigh* i'm just in a bad mood right now. i'm tired and i need to do homework. don't comfort me unless i ask for it, k.