Heals The Original Dryness

why do i seem to be attracted to the emotionally fucked up ones. why do i think that i would be able to actually fix anything. that maybe some special part of me could reach out and touch that needy part of them. moody depressed angry male, really should be in therapy, totally had his sensitive side crushed and doesn't seem to be in any huge hurry to really rebuild, doesn't seem to know what to do with or how to handle his hormonal side, so when i ask, "hey that make out session? how much was that you just being horny vs actually having an attraction to me?" he just throws up his drunken hands and says he can't deal with this shit and "lets slow down" quickly turns to "can we just not do that anymore?" none of which answers my "how much of this should i take personally?" question. i guess the answer is probably "none". i do still have the desire to double check. "i shouldn't be taking any of this personally, right?" god that would improve his mood. further push him into the "i hate women" realm. can't blame him, we are rather insane. what i wouldn't give to know what he was like before that bitch fucked him up. he's got issues, what am i supposed to do? nothing. nothing at all. silly control freak nature... "sorry to aggrivate your mood, hun" sorry to exist when it wasn't convenient for you. sorry for not knowing when it was a bad time to bring up a sensitive issue that i've been avoiding bringing up for a few days now cause i feared just the reaction that i got. i should have brought it up when it happened. just called him on it right then, had the conversation then. would have been in person at that time.

if this turns into a trend, this doesn't boad well for running into jordan tomorrow at timothy's. if i do that is. he might not be there. who knows.

i ran into zack today. probably freaked him out a bit cause i was in one of my "what does it all mean?" moods. or at least i got back into one when he asked "hows it going?" and i proceeded to explain my struggle with the paper topic for "mystical journey of life". i don't do small talk, sorry hun. he's still really hot...

...speaking of hot, i went by don's room today ...weapons... when am i going to jump that boy?