Heals The Original Dryness

i have a lot of people on my buddy list that i really don't talk to. and yet i can't compel myself to delete them because having lots of names online makes me feel like i'm a part of a community that happens to be online, even if i'm not talking to them. its like milling around a party with out actually talking to anyone, but just enjoying being at the party.

i scared off another one. i totally just freaked him out about who is this crazy bitch who is calling me all the time this winter break and being a psycho weirdo. yeah, no longer the appealing kinda cool person might have been interested in before winter break. you know what else i hate about depression? that i go thru this experience of being ignored by this cute guy that i think i like but really know that we're not each others types, i just really want the cute boy... and i come out of that going "nobody loves me!" and i'll say this to a group that i KNOW loves me but i'm so blind and swept up in this rediculous situation that i don't see that or i don't focus on that. and i HATE people that will say "nobody loves me" to get attention and affection. and i'm turning into that! this is not good!

therapy. soon.