alright. the party.
it was a very interesting demonstration of social politics and the difference between men and women. well, girls and boys. males and females. thats the most neutral i guess. really i think we were acting more like horny teenagers than anything else.
so the night began with samuel and i attempting to go to this heaven and hell costume party. i knew it was going to be insane and we probably wouldn't stay too long. but we ended up not even getting thru the door cause there was a guest list and we would have had to call the person we knew inside to get in, and i didn't have my cell, nor would i have had anyone's number that would have been able to get us into the party. props to them tho for keeping it undercontrol. the last party i went to there was
completely insane. so we went over to his friend kim's house and the party going on over there. which was much better. smaller crowd and we knew everybody.
begining factors of the night for me. metal, scale maille, backless shirt: to my secret delight several guys, and girls for that matter, were not always looking at my face. vibrant red bob-cut wig and devil horns: and many people there didn't know me so there was a certain mystery for a bit of what my real hair looked like, which one girl declared as "aw, its so pretty!" when i finally got tired of the itching-ness of the wig. that wig got a lot of action thru the night as well. everyone was trying it on, and everyone looked good in it. and since its a good quality wig, it survived the night, holding up suprisingly well.
and booze. lots of booze. i did my standard thing of drinking til i was sufficiantly buzzed then stopping, occasional sips of bartles and james (you can hardly taste the alcohol in most of them) after that. meanwhile the rest of the house was passing around jeagermister (however you spell it) and other mixed drinks and downing the bartles and james.
ah shit, need to run to the library before it closes. to be continued
well, library didn't even have what i wanted, but logos did, and they also had a collection of charles ludlam plays which i was tempted to buy but didn't.
alright, so thru out the course of the night everyones making out. standard party practice. get drunk, hook up, make out. but what i started was the making out with multiple people. on the couch i started making out with tyler and then molly cause she had been smoking cloves, and those leave yumminess on the lips which is fun. then somehow i got up and was flirting with samuel and attempt to just give him a peck of a kiss but he goes in full open mouth and i'm like "that always happens!" and jordan (who is being given a piggy back by samuel) pulls me in and kisses me (a very nice kiss) and samuel gets all jealous so i kiss him too. all of this the crowd behind me finds adorable.
cut to sometime later when piles of people are making out, mostly in pairs, except me and my threesome, jordan gets back (had gone to get other people) and is like whoa, i need to get in on that, but am not drunk enough. promptly downs several ounces of jaeger, and is soon rolling on the floor with the best of them. however, since jordan is a sexy sexy bitch, he is quite promptly under a pile of women (and samuel) all vying to make out with him. and this is pretty much the pattern thru the rest of the night.
(begin social commentary)
now imagine had the sexes been reversed. if it was a girl under a pile of guys trying to make out with her. now granted they probably wouldn't be settling for just making out with her, but just looking at it from afar one wouldn't look at it and react the same way as one would to a guy with a bunch of girls on top of him. nor would we think of the person at the bottom of the pile the same way. because of our damn double standards. the pimp gets more respect than the ho.
now at least one of the other girls that was making out with jordan periodically thru out the night i was talking to later and she and i both see jordan as sort of the male version of ourselves, and we agree that because he is male, he is able to get away with a lot more than we as females could. this is nothing against jordan as a person, really its a sort of admiration and jealousy of the things he gets to do and the way he gets to act and yet the way he gets perceived thru it all. i want that. she wants that. i think a lot of females want that. but we dont have that freedom. so we either submit to the fear and hold back and play the good girl and in my opinion miss out on a lot of opportunities (this is just my experience when i do that path), or we charge forward, have our fun, and submit to the consequences, the reputation, the name calling, the bad taste in the back of my mouth when i think about how society is hypothetically glaring down on me, judging my lifestyle, putting me in that catagory with other girls who i really don't relate to but because we seem to make the same choices even if we go about it by different tacts, i too am a skank, whore, bitch, fuck have you.
it was a raw demonstration, with a weird sexy guy in the middle of it all. i started it, but he really reaped the benefits, as did some other girls, and everything was cool and no one cared. and there i was sobering up realizing we couldn't switch the sitaution and keep everyone happy and cool about it. and it saddened me. it saddens me that i have to live in this society and suffer the consequences of my sex, something i did not choose, that i had no control over, that really shouldn't matter and which i defy with every breath i have because i don't fit in, and i know it.
