Heals The Original Dryness

can't sleep and hungry too, a deadly combination. however, solving the hunger problem seems to be shutting up my brain for a minute or two. i'm not sure if i should bless or curse this computer for taking so long to boot up that it makes me lose my train of thought. granted it wasnt the happiest trains of thought, but it was mine none the less and it got to me enough to make me get out of bed and try to purge it from my brain. something about boys *shakes fist at them* just my seeking their approval and admiration and sex and love and what i seem to do to attempt to acheive those. and yet how silly i can be for those same things.

i got up on a chair tonight and declared "i don't understand women's fashion!"
i almost had a boy fall asleep on my shoulder. had i been a bit more bold/open minded/not after his brother, i totally would have tilted it so he could fall asleep completely
i told the story of jacket boy. the begining is good but i kind of lost my train of thought towards the end (mostly cause it was halted for a good half hour or so) i need to rethink how to effectively tell that story. i started out trying to explain why i was going more insane than usual, but trying to end it with how jacket boy got his jacket back made it sort of attempt to jump rails and it wasn't pretty. if i told it and punctuated it more with "but he still did not have his jacket" that could help it flow. like a really strange children's story.
i got back in touch with my middle child-ness/my being the total performer in the family. its in my blood. i love being in the spotlight. theres nothing i can do about it, no denying it, everyone sees it, i just need to harness that in order to beat out the competition.
i don't know what to do with my life, i have too many choices
i don't know what to do with myself, i have too many options
little tiny universes all simultaniously created and destroyed, by the options i have and the choices i make (yes that was an unnessecary comma, but i like it there damn it, i wanted to have a pause)
i don;t know whether i'll be able to talk to ari without seeing him in person...