it was not vanity that drew her to the mirror;
it was the amazement at seeing her own "I."
-the unbearable lightness of being
| i am no longer a faerie it was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was the amazement at seeing her own "I." -the unbearable lightness of being |
|
jacket boy is back, baby. below cut and paste from im conversation, edited towards the end. deal with it, i'm lazy :)
Me: i was going a little nuts in general, one thing after another, wasn't putting me in a good place
Me: but i'm doing better
Him: what happened???
Him: tell me all
Me: well me having an over active imagination and you disappearing weren't a good combination
Him: :-(
Him: im sorry
Me: first i thought you just weren't calling, then several days later i tried calling your phone and it said "this number is no longer in service"
Him: lol stupid phone comp didnt auto charge my credit card
Me: so that amplified the "what the fuck!" and of course at 2 am my mind is going "does he no longer exist? did he ever exist? did what happen just happen in my mind? if so, how the hell did i get this jacket and someone else's wallet??"
Him: owwww
Him: not good
Me: so this on top of not getting much sleep and my internship being a total joke because it really makes no difference if i'm there or not, so that makes me feel REAL valueble
Me: all this while not being able to talk to my boyfriend
Him: ooch
Him: i could see that getting bad
Me: who finally comes back and calls me a day before i thought i'd get to talk to him, but then doesn't call for another two days, so i get to go nuts speculating about that. he met someone, wants to spend as much time as possible with her. might read my blog, found out about you, refuses to talk to me about it. fallen off the face of the earth. lots of things come to mind. i'm an idea girl after all
anyway, finally i get to talk to him and first half was good, but we feel like very different people and its weird, and basically he had had a great two weeks, totally thrilling, learned so much, not just skills wise but about himself and what he's capable of and he's over come fears... and i've spent two weeks sitting on my ass and slowly going nuts!
anyway, that was just totally not what i needed, totally not expecting that huge a difference in us, he's being kinda condecending with me because he's all centered and strong and stuff while i'm this spastic scattered mess
so it was a night of catharsis and i almost broke up with him because i totally couldn't feel inferior in YET ANOTHER aspect of my life, esp that one, and i was all freaking out and stuff
anyway, he felt terrible for coming across as condisending and making me feel aweful, reminds me that he may have had a great time but the rest of his life is still in as much scatters as i am
huge cathartic conversation
night before my birthday all this while
it worked out ok, neither of us wanted to leave things unresolved so we just tried to get everything out there and get back on the same page and figure out what we want etc
so we're still basically as together as we are this summer. don't get to see him for another two weeks or so cause he's going to hawaii with his mom, but at least we're back in communication with eachother
So birthday went bar hopping last night with my roommate, got piss drunk, didn't throw up, was drinking enough water thru out the night to avoid a hangover and ended up getting more sleep than i had in a while cause i gave myself a midnight cerfew and totally passed out when i got home. it was fabulous. first time i've really been drunk drunk. i can see how people might get adicted to that feeling
last night i had a beer with dinner, then we went to one bar, left cause i didn;t know anyone there and didn't feel like getting a drink there, went to another one, actually ordered drinks there, kamakazis, walked down to the catalyst, decided we didn;t want to go in quite yet, went down to another one, bartender recomended irish car bombs but i wasn't sure i wanted that much, so i just got the baileys cause i wanted to try it, then went to the catalyst, ran into theatre people there, some guys at the bar thought i was cute, one of them had had a birthday on the 20th, bought me a drink. first time i've experienced that "eyes up here mister" i was wearing a provocative shirt tho, but i still thought it was funny
so yes, very decent birthday night
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