i DON'T WANT TO DO WORK! i want to SLEEP! but i need to NOT DIE! GGAAAAAAHH! *runs around screaming*
and j is an ass, i can't beleive i was debating between the two of them. *sigh* not dying. i don't care, not my problem, let it go. yarg. FUCK! it would probably help if i eat something. i need to get money.
i'll be fine. breathe. calm. not dying
problem
caffine exagerates the OCD (ooo, that would make a great parody of the OC, i wonder if snl has thought of that). caffine also keeps one awake. i have lots of work to do today, and therefore need to be awake. however, sitting and determedly picking scabs off my scalp is not exactly conducive to getting work done.
i have too many things to do. i can't decide what order to do them all in so i'm putting them all off and blogging. i need to get a haircut, i need to shower, i need to write a lighting critique, i need to finish like 3 grids, i need to read a play. yarg. sadly i think i am going to put off the lighting critique. i'm more behind in other classes then in that one. i love how i'm still refering to classes as plural as if i'm taking a lot of them, when really its just two. but i'm just that special like that. mk, lets get on with our day.
i woke up this afternoon and said hello to my body. no that is actually not a euphamism, it was the first time in a couple days that i had woken up in my own bed. so i said "hello, you're looking well today. sorry we didn't get any sex this weekend, but we got some damn good equivalents."
any weekend i don't sleep in my own bed and end up with a hickie to boot is a good weekend
now i have an audition, 3 mini papers to write, bunch of other things, as i said to my friend, "i'm too busy for post show depression" which is a good thing, in my mind.
anyway, love you all, hope everyone out there is doing well, talk to you all later, wish me luck with the next two weeks
NeeliaBuzz: when it rains it frikken pours
NeeliaBuzz: and by frikken pours i mean two guys
NeeliaBuzz: but in the span of two days
NeeliaBuzz: i haven't slept in my bed for the last two night
NeeliaBuzz: s
NeeliaBuzz: yet i've not had sex with these people
NeeliaBuzz: the first boy was just too sweet and too special and i didn't want to rush things and you know, subliminally knew there would be another opportunity
NeeliaBuzz: the second guy it was at a party and we were sleeping in the living room and couldn't find a private enough area tho this morning i was thinking, we could fuck in the shower, maybe
NeeliaBuzz: or take him back to my place
DaveInACar: nice
NeeliaBuzz: but we just ended up falling asleep again
DaveInACar: I slept with my best senior friend last night
NeeliaBuzz: cause both of us were running on very little sleep
DaveInACar: she says I'm lots of fun and we should've hooked up earlier
NeeliaBuzz: intense making out tho
DaveInACar: oh I am the king of no sleep
NeeliaBuzz: and i have a hikkie
NeeliaBuzz: small one but its amusing after theatre parties literally half the theatre department is walking around with hikkies on their necks
NeeliaBuzz: its quite amusing
DaveInACar: nice
DaveInACar: I don't have any marks but I haven't showered since last night :-(
DaveInACar: too busy
NeeliaBuzz: anyway, the really amusing part to me is i started out this weekend intent on hooking up with one of the cute theatre boys that i've had crushes on for the last month or more, and end up meeting two completely random really sweet boys instead
NeeliaBuzz: its insane
NeeliaBuzz: and its totally this situation where if i could smush them into one person it would be perfect
NeeliaBuzz: arg!DaveInACar: hee hee
DaveInACar: yeah
DaveInACar: I've been hooking up with this one girl, but everyone says that getting emotionally involved with her is a horrible idea
DaveInACar: so instead, her best friend spent the last two nights of college with me
DaveInACar: I feel studly as well as evil
NeeliaBuzz: ones like totally my type, we have totally matching personalities, the chemisty is amazing, we're so comfortable with eachother. the other is a theatre person, really cute, again totally comfortable, more sort of passionate chemistry like we just want to fuck like bunnies, i don;t think he's a virgin (previous boy was), he's older, but he lives in palo alto
NeeliaBuzz: yeah, i'm feeling very much like hot stuff right now as well :-)
DaveInACar: okay, I have to sign off
NeeliaBuzz: and like i'm more wanting just a casual thing right now so boy in palo alto would be perfect for that, and i'm totally getting like scared off inside by how well i was like working with this porter kid and how much we had in common and and how we were just such kindred spirits
i'm just literally scared, and i hate myself for it. i'm having the exact same inner dialogue i did when benn came along two years ago. if you weren't so selfish, you see what you could have, aileen? but i can't. i'm not ready. i need this me time. i'm not done being a total flirt and having possibilities. i'm not done exploring. i'm not ready for another serious relationship. i'm not over benn, i'm not over myself, i'm just not ready.
yarg
this is bad. i feel like i'm getting post show depression before chautauqua is even over. that and i am totally having allergies right now. and hormones are going crazy. not good. yarg. yarg i say.
well we've got a whole weekend of shows. anything can happen. in fact i'm sort of counting on that. life needs to be frikken interesitng sometimes.
mmm... party... mmm... tipsy-ness... mmm... sneaking a kiss from the guy that walked me home... mmm... the innocence of it all...
thats about as elequent as i can be right now. i just felt the need for documentation. cause it was a nice night. i enjoy theatre parties.
for those about to rock, we salute you
for those who are doing chautauqua and complaining about all the work and worrying about their grade and bitching and stuff, i smack and kill you.
you're doing theatre because you love it, damn it. do your job, be professional, and love every fucking minute of it. if you don't love it, get the fuck out of my theatre and don't waist my time.
in soviet russia, frost bites you -james
i lit a show tonight. 4 hours, entire show. got it done. pretty much just one break. my brain was like "you just did what?"and then promptly fizzled into a pile of fizzling goo
and i need to go to san jose tomorrow
caffine really exaggerates the obsessive compulsive disorder. for me at least. its really quite disconcerting.
we got out of class early, i took a nap in the lab from about 1 to 3. now i have nothing til 6. i am so out of it.
and people are having the "everyone is beautiful, why can't society realize that?" conversation. it really bothers me. mostly cause i am one that does not on a regular basis cover up my imperfection, shave my body hair, bother to coordinate my clothes, etc. i told my friend the other day "being female is not for the faint of heart." my tolerance seems to be low right now. probably cause i'm pre menstral. i'm waiting for that to blow up in my face. so far i only have really sore boobs. well, the day is young, things can still fuck up dramatically.
