Heals The Original Dryness

i have finally made an official commitment to commitment. to many people this is "well DUH! what did you expect out of a monogamous relationship" and to them i say "shut up, you weren't there. i'm different. this is a big step for me. accept it as it it" so yeah, it really kinda ruins this huge inner turning point for me when it's something other people just take for granted. kinda a "whats the big deal, everyone does it" and i just want to scream "damn it! APPRICIATE ME AND MY PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS!"

i think i'm really just pissed off because (warning! warning! passive aggressive-ness ahead!) after telling this whole story to john and thinking he could say "yay thats wonderful congradulations" instead i get a "we'll discuss this more later, i have to go do errands. be good." and then signs off before i get to say "i am!" cause it's mearly my potential that is bad, so we are putting that potential to rest because i made a promise last night that i am not going to go there because i do not want to hurt anyone, particularly not this boy who i am totally and completely in love with. and i can really say that and mean it these days. i wasn't in a place where i could do that before. but now i really feel that i can, and that is a big step. so everyone say "good for you, aileen. we're right behind you. we will support you in any way we can to help you keep this promise to benn and to yourself. it's not easy letting go of old habits, and you've made a big step. good for you. if you need anything, we'll be here"