Heals The Original Dryness

you know what, i really hope i can pull off making my L337 new page design idea. it would just be really fucking cool. i dunno. it just seems like all the pages out there are so linear and i jsut want to have more curves and... less linear-ness... and more art work :)

i don't know why the fuck i'm still awake. it's as if i'm literally, not afriad, i don't want to use that word cause then i will be paranoid for the rest of the WEEK, just... not wanting to go too sleep, even tho my eyelids are lead and looking at light hurts and i have a headache. my neck and shoulders have reached that point of tenseness where i'm getting a headache as a result. you know, it might also have to do with how i fucking bombed my LALS final and it looks like i'm taking an incomplete because thats the only way to get extra time for the take home part of the final, and i need to a butt load of reading and i really miss benn and i need SOMETHING! i'm so needing human contact. i was spralled over manik in the big chair on stage during hanging and focusing and we were singing really loud and it was fun and he was telling some story about how he got kicked in the inner thigh and he put his hand on my thigh kinda unconciously to show where he was kicked, and it was just nice to be touched, and i really need more of that right now, and i just need benn to hug me and make it all better. i'm so fucking fickle and capricious! i was having ian flashbacks in the car on the way back here. it fucking ruins my day. the guilt just of thinking about things. but thats the fucking awful part. i don't know whether i'm feeling guilty because i'm not supposed to be thinking about those kinds of things anymore, or if i'm actually feeling that it's not right. and at times its just hard to tell. fuck emotions. fuck fucking emotions. i need to sleep. thats probably the main thing thats fucking me up right now, major lack of sleep and high stress. i think i'm getting ill with the combination of both. that and too much fried food these last several days.

*runs around screaming, throws a tantrum, trys to somehow get rid of her fucking demons...*