Heals The Original Dryness

2 hours of sleep + stress + hunger + bladder infection + 7 am fire alarm beep from HELL (my current theory is that it actually was FROM HELL, and the demons of the underworld were punishing me for my heathen ways...) + general feelings of rejection and loss and inadequacy and wondering if you'll ever be able to fully love again + realizing it's really all your fault and you can't blame anyone and you're probably just getting a taste of your own medicine = stoic inability to cry, leading to self flagellation and crying not nearly as hard as you want to into your pillow which you have severly beaten as well.

i tore up your picture. i tore it up into little tiny peices so i couldn't recognize any one part as being part of your face or your hair or your jacket. it had been on my wall all year. now its scattered to the wind and washed away with the rain water. i'm sorry i've hurt you, i know i have at many different points in time. i think now i can let you go, as you've let me go.

does he hurt me... or do i hurt me...
it's me all me...

i know. i'm so fucking egotistical...