it's official. i'm
addicted.
is it bad to be attracted to a guy over the internet through his work? i dunno, he's just one of those cool people you really just want to be the best friend of, because you know they're getting flocked around, and you want that special "in" cause you know they're not nearly as open and cool with their random admiring aquaintences as they are with close friends. *shurg* it's my insatiable desire and love of feeling special to new people. it gives me warm fuzzies. this is kinda why i want to be famous, cause that would be the ultimate experience of being special to hundreds of people. but on that scale you really can't interact with all of them on a good personal level to really connect with them and really discover whats special and unique about them, and on such a large scale, you're really not able to CARE about each and every one of them, either because you don't have the energy, or the energy that you give is not trusted as full energy because they know your spreading it out over alot of people, which is exactly how i feel as a fan of the ingredientx duo. or for that matter as any sort of admited fan. i feel like since there is such a club, it diminishes the power that each individual has. it's exactly the same reason i can take christmas on family scale, but not on social wave/trend scale. when individuals do it for a small group it's special, it's heartfelt. when entire populations of masses of people do it, it seems like they're all doing it because every one else is; my mind just has to make that analogy because it is difficult for me to intermingle a small scale analogy with a large scale analogy. it's near impossible. one cannot focus on 10,000 small interperson moments at once. on that scale, the mind needs to reduce it to something more bite size. we can't help it; it's instinct. we need to save the brain power. our brains feel better seeing the top of a forest as a sea of green, rather than seeing 10,000 individual differently but similarly moving leaves.
you know what it is. lev yilmaz reminds me of tom. he's the kind of guy that would be really interesting/cool/nice/pick an adj/fun to meet at a bus stop, kinda randomly turn to and comment about something we know we're both listening to, end up talking and hanging out with, share complicated life stories and play a couple highly competitive games of air hocky with, and then at the end of the night realize/notice/marvle at how you managed to click with a really attractive and interesting stranger, and then have absolutly amazing sex at the end of the night, and really not worry about whether its going to just be that once or if it'll develope into something more. just having that shared moment, an extended shared moment, and being grateful and amazed at how incredibly powerful it was as a contained entity, in and of itself. i don't think many people recognize those in their lives. maybe thats really what blogs are. contained documented moments of varying degrees of power. i think it takes a really dense, compact, amazingly powerful one to jar your brain into noticing them tho. or maybe it's just sex in general. most wonderful quotable thing ever said in core class: "sex, one of the most powerful drugs i've ever experiences" -max. seriously tho, it's got such higher perks and way fewer pits. wow. how unique my experience is. that sounds really nieve, and this is going to sound egotistical, but it's true, and you know it. i am so damn lucky. i have so much love and wonderfulness in my life. more people should have this. i feel like i should almost find some way to transfer my experiences to those that haven't ever had the chance to experience them. how did i get what i've gotten? why hasn't the wealth been shared equally? why can't every couple be a perfect match? *sigh*
