Heals The Original Dryness

"these things happen but life goes on"

and in my case, life going on wasn't that great a thing...

"why does every conversation with you feel like a battle..."

"wow. you're just doing so well today. it's just like 'way to go aileen...'"

"aileen... i would normally have much more tolarence to take crap, but not tonight. i will call you tomorrow and you can give me as much crap as you want"
that's not the point you lifeless prick. the point is i hurt and i want to hurt you... or at least get SOME FUCKING REACTION from you.

yet when i succeed, i.e. tonight, i feel like crap.

this is called pain redirected. planes crashed into the world trade towers. later they collapsed. i watched footage on tv. initially i mock it, and deal with it with my normal dose of cynicism to repress and put away my pain so i don't cry for people i hardly know and later feel a hypocrite for crying when the media's told me. so instead i talk to neil. and after a half hour of jumping about and bitching about what a fucked up situation the world is, and get that off my chest i'm left my own fucked up life and i'm back to my bluntly passive agressive tendencies, and he's in his straight-backed-"blink-blink" mode again, and once again he is out of gunshot range.

and so i release my fucking serpent of estrogen, and let it bite as it may.
thing are sufficiently fucked up now...